Colin Dempsey - Comedian (C)

Colin Dempsey

Registered on: 08/17/06
Location: Maspeth, NY
URL: http://www.dailycomedy.com/u/ColinDempsey

Biography:

Dublin born New York based Comic/Musician/Writer.

contact me at:colinpdempsey@yahoo.com

www.myspace.com/colindempsey
Page Views: 660     |     Jokes: 41     |     Videos: 0     |     Comments: 0     |     Fans: 4
Latest Jokes  
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Losing a Fight

Submitted: Jul 2, 2007
Category: Weird  

The best thing about losing a fist fight is the following days and weeks as you sign up the victor to every spam website you know, mail him tuperware boxes full of worms, stalk his family and then find out where his mother does her shopping and burn the store to the ground because then you may sit back and watch him slowly realize, that yes, he just picked on the wrong fucking coward!

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Paul McCartney Divorce Escalates

Submitted: Apr 2, 2007
Category: Entertainment  
From Hot Topic

Marriage

492 Jokes  14 Videos

Paul McCartney Divorce EscalatesHeather Mills, ex wife of former beatle Paul McCartney claims that she was beaten and abused by him over the course of their marraige. Ms. Mills, pictured below, stated that she will never allow herself to be that foolish again.

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Prince Harry Deployed in Iraq

Submitted: Feb 27, 2007
Category: News  
From Hot Topic

Prince Harry

7 Jokes

Prince Harry Deployed in IraqBritish Royal, Prince Harry has been deployed to Iraq as a tank commander. It has been reported that he will be kept away from dangerous areas, assigned a round the clock SAS protection squad and have a minimal tour of duty. On his off time he has been seen in the mess hall completing Rubix Cubes by peeling the stickers off and reapplying them to the correct locations and beating other soldiers at a game he invented called "Connect Two" in which he always goes first. Prince Harry was quoted as saying "The one thing I miss about England is my favorite past time of shooting barrels full of fish"

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Chevrolet Camaro to Renew Production in 2009

Submitted: Dec 18, 2006
Category: News  

After production was cancelled in 2002 Chevrolet decided to bring back the Camaro as they discovered that New Jersey Guido's had not gone away


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I Am Terrified of/Hate Clowns & Magicians

Submitted: Dec 1, 2006
Category: News  

Below are Images of people who chill me to the bone, these captions are what they are saying to me in my mind

 

"Im going to shoot myself out of a cannon and into your nightmares. Then I`m gonna fuck you up"

"Of course your going to die! The rabit told me so!!"

  

"This wig covers my exposed worm ridden brain! Thats how I control what you do"

"You like card tricks? Heres one...AAAaaarrggh!!!!Die!!!"

"If I paralyzed you with hypnoses, which I can do by the way. This bird would eat you in a matter of weeks, but you would die and stop feeling pain near the end of the first"


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Michael Richards Apologizes With Help of African-American Yoda

Submitted: Nov 29, 2006
Category: News  

"Give in to the dark side and Racist you will become"

Laugh! You know you want to!


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Vegetarian Clairvoyant Speaks to Dead Through Tofurkey

Submitted: Nov 25, 2006
Category: News  

"I am the Jim Gaffigan of Paranormal Phenomena"

Charles Buntz is currently dazzling the nation with his powers to communicate to the dead through food. A gift he realized he had when he was just 12 years old after staring at a Creme Brulee for 20 minutes at a french restaurant. "I just want to make people happy, not many people know this but Jesus himself often communicated with his father through a Fig". Buntz also claims that Tofurkey and Bananas are a favorite due to the best connection and fewer dropped calls.

 


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Me and My Roomate Simon Making a Porno For $56 inc. MetroCards

Submitted: Nov 6, 2006
Category: News  

An Officer and a Gentleman...and a Donkey and a Midget and a Transsexual

Movie Summary:

Boy meets girl, girl was really a confused boy but then the first boy was actually found through DNA testing to be a girl so it worked out okay. They perform a multitude of sexually horrific acts upon the other, one almost dies but doesnt, the other wants to die but then has orgasm but will die later anyway.

A penis shaped vagina drives a dildo shaped car through a wall of limbless hermaphrodites before exploding into fallopian tubes

Film ends when lead character "Rock Hard" finds time machine and travels back in time so he can masturbate while watching himself in the third person perform the debauchery as described above.

Moral of the movie: Don’t respect women or make a commitment because there will always be something better around the corner and grass has been scientifically proven to be greener elsewhere


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My Message to Pumpkins.........

Submitted: Nov 3, 2006
Category: News  

I have come to the conclusion after seeing my neighbors decorate their houses for Halloween that Pumpkins are the angriest of all the vegetables

Chillout!!! Of all the Cururbita Cucubitaceae I know, your the most delicious...as a soup OR as a seasonal Ale!!


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News: October 31st, 2006

Submitted: Nov 1, 2006
Category: News  

News: October 31st, 2006


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