An entire episode will be built around a nerve-wracking plot development: Hugo "Hurley" Reyes gets stuck in the hatch.

The only thing scarier than a groundhog waking up and seeing its shadow is Andie McDowell waking up and seeing her wrinkles.

But it didn't turn me into a butch-looking movie star with large breasts so I asked for my money back.

Salinger was also known for being a recluse. How reclusive was he? So reclusive that he failed to show up at his funeral.

Especially sick are the photos of cats with the caption, "I can haz Zyklon B?" They put the SS in hiss.

Promises to revive the economy, reform health care, balance the budget, rein in the banks and put a unicorn in every backyard.

Especially now that there's an app that will detect unicorns in your neighborhood. Me, I'm waiting for the app that puts you at the top of the list for a liver transplant.

Matthews made the comment about Barack Obama after the president's State of the Union" address.

And I had forgotten that Chris Matthews was a jackass.

But I still have that "not-so-fresh" feeling -- and I still have cramps.