...the U.S. military is going to provide aid to 50,000 Haitians at the Port-Au-Prince golf course.  With all the problems these people are having, who has time for golf ? 

Tomorrow night President Obama will deliver his annual State of the Gabrielle Union Address.  Here is a small excerpt of the president's speech:  "She fine !" 

...a Denver man was arrested for illegally selling his goods on what was "Homemade Bread Day."  Police say the man had 3 kinds of bread.  White, wheat, and counterfeit.   

...Iraq said it has executed the man known as "Chemical Ali", who reportedly ordered the gassing of thousands of Iraqis.  A police report determined that Ali was a victim of fair play. 

Paris Hilton has a new CD that will showcase her intellegent side.  The CD will be released Tuesday and is called  "I Could Have Dunced All Night." 

Was stopped on the street and asked by an Inquiring Photographer if in this day and age there still was such a thing as "truly a man's job."  After thinking it over for a minute or so, the only answer i could come up with was "lead actor in a gay porn film."

...Evangelical pastor Ted Haggard claims he is now free from homosexual tendencies thanks to an over the counter medication.  He credits the change to his use of the Bristol-Meyer product "Been-Gay." 

...i just saw the Broadway production of "Nunsense" for the 12th time...its habit forming 

...the kids game of "doctor" has changed from when i was a kid....now when kids play "doctor" they spend the day on the golf course. 

...a potentially deadly hostage situation came to an end after one shopper was able to call 9-1-1 for help...the shopper was able to give police detailed information about the situation.  When the operator asked the shopper what she saw, she replied: 1.  There were 3 hostages.  2.  There were 2 gunman.  3.  Toilet paper was on sale for $2.19.