According to White House numbers, the Stimulus package has created about 650,000 new jobs. In a related story, the Department of Labor announced 650,000 new hires in unemployment offices nationwide.  

Despite protests that golf is an elitist and sexist sport, golf will return as an Olympic sport in 2016. To fend off criticism, Golf officials agreed to allow women in the clubhouse during the Olympics to serve drinks.     

After Iran secretly built another nuclear plant, President Obama was roundly criticized for being too soft on Iran. Obama refuted those claims citinng an upcoming beer summit with Iraian leaders featuring a rendition of Kumbaya. 

The Los Angeles Dodgers announced they had acquired former all-star pitcher Jon Garland to bolster their playoff hopes. Meanwhile, the Washington Nationals announced they had acquired the rights to play Judy Garland songs at their games.  

A new study by a marketing intelligence firm revealed that most Twitter posts are nonsense and pointless. The results of the study were posted on Twitter.

An 8-year-old was caught driving the # 4 subway train in New York City recently. It was the first time in 20 years that a city subway train ran on time.

GM has already traded in 3 million cars.

59-year-old golfer, Tom Watson, leads the British Open prompting other older celebrities to attempt to recapture their glory.  Mick Jagger is going back on tour with the Stones and Robert Redford is going back to being good-looking.

After much debate, Michael Jackson's final resting place was revealed. Jackson was buried alongside the 2009 New York Mets.  

The World’s Ugliest Dog Contest was won by Pabst, a boxer-mix with a prominent under-bite, scrunched face and floppy ears. In a related story, the world’s ugliest human contest was won by a professional boxer with no teeth, a scrunched face and cauliflower ears.