"Vote for Obama."

Schumer visits South Florida to tell of Obama's support for Israel

New York Sen. Charles "Chuck" Schumer urged Jewish voters across South Florida on Sunday to back Barack Obama's presidential bid, touting the Democratic nominee's record on Israel..."Right now I'm 120 percent for Obama," said [66-year-old Michael] Eibeschitz.

Let's not play games. What I was suggesting -- you're absolutely right that John McCain has not talked about my Muslim faith.

Basically, if Louis Farrakhan were running as a Democrat and Joe Lieberman were running as a Republican, Chuck Schumer -- or as I call him for short, Schmuck -- would tell Jews to vote for Farrakhan. And they would.

Then again, the Jewish vote for Obama in Florida makes sense, since that's where old Jews go to die. And since euthanasia is illegal, they figure they'll just vote for Obama instead.

In which case I think it's only fair if the Democrats add the War on Drugs to their platform. Why should only their unsolvable bogus causes get the spotlight? 

That's really not a nice thing to call Cindy McCain.

ABC’s Good Morning America on Tuesday aggressively pushed the story about how Sarah Palin’s teenaged daughter is pregnant….ABC’s David Wright suggested the McCain camp was trying to bury the “skeleton in the closet” by putting the news out as the hurricane hit…

A pregnancy is not a skeleton in the closet. It's a bun in the oven. If it were a Democratic candidate’s daughter, then it would be a skeleton in the closet, since that’s what would be left after the abortion. 

John Edwards was banned from speaking at the Democratic Convention in light of his extra-marital affair and subsequent lying about it. Bill Clinton spoke in his place.

So far, what I know best about Sarah Palin from all the coverage this weekend is that she’s an avid hunter who has killed many Alaskan caribou. That’s all we need: another vice president with a rifle.

Fidel orders his arrest.

Former DNC chairman Don Fowler was secretly taped saying that the timing of Hurricane Gustav falling on the Republican convention "demonstrates that God's on our side."

But why would God be on the Democratic side? Because he hates America, fetuses, and God?

In an attempt to counter reports by his wife that he's "stinky," Democratic presidential nominee Barack Obama has chosen for his running mate the man who last year affirmed, "I mean, you got the first mainstream African-American who is articulate and bright and clean and a nice-looking guy."

Obama said he hopes it will put an end to Freudian campaign slogans such as “Send B.O. to the White House!” and “The American people deserve B.O.!” and “I’m with B.O.” As well as opposition slogans such as “Why settle for B.O.?”

Trying to dig up McCain’s own gaffes this week, some news media recalled how he couldn’t say how many houses, exactly, he and his wife own, referring reporters to his staff. But what do you want? He’s a typical Democrat.