Friend of mine quit expensive online dating services.

   Says too many of the women there just want to get married.

   Now he's into scrolling names of nearby female sex offenders. 

There once was a man from Wiscasset

Who couldn't afford him a casket.

So he bought him an axe

and with a couple of whacks,

his wife fit quite well in a basket. 

A two year old Tennessee boy helped his mother deliver her fourth baby on their living room couch.  When a reporter asked him if he'd been scared or nervous, the toddler replied, "Ha!  No way; the last two were C-sections!"

...there is a new social website for senior citizens.  www.seniorpeoplemeet.com , where you can join today, meet tomorrow, and forget who they are the next day.   

   America's young people seem barely able to make change; understand almost nothing about government; hardly read and, certainly, can't write.

   Yet, they talk, text and tweet incessantly.

   About what?  

   Not long ago, Joe Biden told this guy in a wheelchair to stand up and take a bow.

   Understandably, Biden withstood a torrent of jeers and criticism for the obvious gaff.

   Some rock-ribbed Republicans went so far as to characterize Mr. Biden's behavior as "sheer cruelty."

   A few diehard Democrats posited that the Vice President--being a believing Christian--may simply have been trying to heal the man.

   Both these groups were kidding--I think.

   A local guy is in the process of forming a group to promote breast feeding--for adult men.

   His tentative slogan:  "Human breast milk, a super-nutritious food--and udderly delicious!"

   A defensible viewpoint, to be sure.  Though it does seem an awful lot like taking candy from a baby. 

   During the Great Depression, what did they call a hooker?

   Fifty-cent piece. 

   Several avid fight fans were arguing about who was the dirtiest boxer of all time.

   The winner named a little-known journeyman, Kirk "The Toe" Kowalski, who was involved in twelve stoppages on cuts--to his opponent's shins. 

If a fart had no odor, people wouldn't raise such of a stink over it.

And have you noticed these days that silent farts are unheard of?

If you could see a fart, could you bite it?  I imagine that you could, but why would you take a bite out of something that tastes like Uhhhh...

I collect Cheetos and potato chips that resemble real objects.It's taken quite a bite out of my wallet.