Since singer Susan Boyle (who professes being a virgin) has been on TV, there's been a marked drop in suicide bombings.

Apparently many of the terrorists didn't realize what a virgin looked like

I had a falling out with my skydiving instructor.

Jersey Shore" dimwitted diva Snookie, again embarassing her teachers in Marlboro, NY by declaring New Jersey fighting for the "South" during the Civil War. Seems she was thrown off by the word "Civil".

A well-known vegan suffers a massive stroke and is left without any signs of brain activity.

Upon reading his chart, the nurse says:  "Huh... so I guess it's true: you really are what you eat." 

The Movie Patrons gave a Dear John to AVATOR with DEAR JOHN today.  The love story Dear John pushed Avatar out of the top spot this weekend.

Now we'll have to wait and see who gives Dear John a Dear John.

Yes, Dear, it's a Dear John for a dear, dear Dear John and now I'm going to the John, Dear.

Have the Republicans picked their Candidates for President and Vice President in 2012? 

We think they have.

Sarah and Scott.

On the campaign trail he can drive the pick-up and she can ride shotgun.  And that ain't all.  You betcha!

Dr. Conrad Murray is now charged with manslaughter in the death of Michael Jackson. As he was escorted into the courthouse, someone from the crowd shouted "murderer". It turned out that the guy shouting was Republican member Joe Wilson.

As I sat watching The Who perform the song, "Who Are You?" during halftime, I was asking the same question...Who are the guys playing the bass and drums, and who are the two old dudes singing and playing guitar?

Man walks into a church and heads to the confessional.

"Father, I've done something terrible."

Naturally, the priest is comforting.  "Now, son, God forgives all sins if you're truly sorry.  I assure you that nothing you've done is as terrible as some of the things I've heard before." 

The man then confesses to five-year adulterous relationship with a local beautician.

After sighing deeply, the priest says:  "Well, that's pretty bad stuff.  This isn't going to be any three Hail Mary's and an Our Father.  Naturally, you'll have to cut it off."

The man gulps.  "Cut it off?  Surely, there must be something else I can do, Father."

"SINNER!", the priest shouts.  "I'll accept no excuses.  If you're truly sorry you'll cut it off immediately.  If not, there's no absolution for you.  Now, go cut it off right now and come back here and tell me when it's done."

The man, obviously distraught, leaves the confessional in a hurry.  As directed, he returns within the hour.

In a slightly higher voice, he says to the priest.  "Well, Father, I've done it - I've cut it off."

The priest says:  "That's good son.  How did she take it?"   

If you ever want to know who loves you the most, between your wife and your dog, here is a sure fire way to find out:

Take them both for a ride in your car. Then, when you get to your destination, lock both of them in the trunk for an hour and see which one is happiest to see you when you come back.

Today is the 46th anniversary of the Beatles appearing on the Ed Sullivan Show.

 WOW! 1964!

 Hey, wasn't that when the Killer Bees from South America were suppose to attack North America?

I wonder where the hell they went