I work at the airport, and recently, a passenger thanked me for my efforts, but said I wouldn't have to do half of what I do if not for some jerks hijacking planes.
Terrorists are jerks? That puts it in perspective. Beheading soldiers on camera is just like someone stealing my favorite parking space.
Suicide bombing? That's just like people who talk too loud at the movies.
I found a book called "Power of Focus" in my closet today, while looking for something. For arguement sakes, lets call the item I was looking for... porn! So anyways, I have had "The Power of Focus" for several years now and haven't even read the entire first chapter! We are only talking 13 pages here people!! Perhaps the author didn't understand that people that would be reading the book "might" have a problem "focusing"!! So needless to say, NO props to this book or the book's authors for keeping my attention!! However, I did go to the bookstore today to get a book on "motivation"!! WooHoo, I actually managed to pick up a book and start walking toward the register to check out. After skimming through the book, It just wasn't motivating me at all! I have a funny feeling the author was related to "The Power of Focus"! Thank God I wasn't looking for a book on "Depression"!! I probably would have hung myself between the origami isle and Starbuck's stand!! However, if my day job as a male dancer doesn't pan out I know I can be an author on pretty much anything, because the qualifications to write a book don't seem to be that stringent!!
I
just watched the end of a show called, "I didn't know I was pregnant ".
WTF, again TV shows are in desperate need of any and all help!! I am going to
submit the idea for a show called, "I didn't know I was legally
retarded".. but the twist is, we use the same people from the "pregnant" show and air it right after it!! Instead of... paying them with the deflating American dollar, let's give them something of real value!! We tie their tubes and give them a helmet with their name Bedazzled on it!! ; )
A girl at my job and I have a unique relationship, it's like we're practically married...by that, I mean we avoid eye contact and aren't on speaking terms.
I was at a bus stop waiting for a bus when this cross-eyed boy stopped in front of me. He then started talking in sign language to another boy about the same age. As I watched theirconversation, one and then the other glanced at me. Of course, this made me wonder what they were talking about. Then I proceeded to get paranoid the way one does when people are speaking Spanish or Arabic in line at the post office.
As I considered what to do, it occurred to me that if I wanted to let them know I was on to them, I would haveto get them to read my lips. First I would have to get the attention of one of them: “Hey! Over here. Look at me!” And then I would have to speak clearly and slowly: “I-know-that-you-are-talk-ing-about-me, lit-tle fag-got!” Of course,there was the chance that neither boy could read lips, in which case they would probably give me a quizzical look, move away and continue talking, now almost certainly about me. This would drive me crazy.
Another possibility was that the boy’s eyes were crossed because he had caught dyslexia, maybe trying to read the lips of a person with crooked teeth, gold fillings and really big lips, at night. As a result, maybe he would read, “Hey! You know about me? Here I are,that little talking faggot. Look me over!” Then they would be sure to laugh at me in sign language. I wouldn’t know whether they were laughing at me, the little talking faggot or me, the little talking faggot with poor grammar. Trying to convince them that’s not what I said would only exacerbate the situation. And to make matters worse, people would get angry at me and say things like, “Hey, little talking faggot! Stop harassing the cock-eyeddeaf-mutes!”
After a while the cross-eyed boy was going on about something, and was looking away from his audience. He didn’t notice when the other boy walked away, so he continued to sign. Soon, he turned and saw that he was alone. When he continued to sign, I thought he was just finishing his sentence. But he didn’t stop. I was bewildered and looked in the direction he was facing to find his new audience. Nobody. What the fuck? Deaf people talk to themselves using sign language?
All kinds of possibilities popped into my head. For example, what happens with deaf people with acute schizophrenia?Does everybody have to wait their turn to use the hands? Or are some voices assigned to the left hand and the others to the right (with slight to moderate grammar and pronunciation problems)? And does this lead to altercations where one hand is used to shut the other up?
And if deaf people sign to talk to themselves, are they allowed to have important jobs, where it’s necessary to be able to keep a secret? I mean, could a deaf person be trusted to be a spy? And what if they sign in their sleep? The social, personal and national security implications are staggering. And what do deaf people say about deaf people who talk to themselves?
Has anyone ever had your kids act so bad when you take them out that you just pretend that youre their nanny. I know it's not right to avoid claiming your kids, but you can pretend they aren't exactly yours. Avoid the hot face syndrome you get when they see a candy bar or some gummy worms and yell out, "I'm hungry. My stomach hurts", or just the randon curse word. Why can't I play like Bae-Bae's kids aren't really mine? People role play everyday. Men play like they're rich or their niece's husbands are balling, until it's time to pay some cab fare or a light bill or something.
The forest was full of Pine Trees thick as grass with a dirt road that led the fox up the path. The fox was collard by a leash of a chain. If you were to see the fox on a picture 20 feet in width, you would notice the chain of leash extended with no one in sight. The fox was not tired of being held by this chain for he had done it many times before. The fox was strong now and could smell he was on the right path. The fox had just made it up a light incline through the forest on the dirt grassy road. He knew the holder of his leash was no where in site to be sure.. he had lost sight of the holder of the leash once he had made it around the bend in the road and hurried over the top of the hill.. The fox glanced back to be sure and looked over his right shoulder and all he could see was the leash that was still pulled tight off the ground pulling to the left tight around the bend in the road. The fox knew this time by instinct his senses were right. As the fox traveled up further through the black forest his paws could feel the dirt and his sensitive smell made him turn to a look again behind. His nose sensed and saw three wild ducks or chickens crossing the path he moments before had passed. The fox said to himself screw them, I could eat them all if I wanted too but he pressed onward. The vibrations were getting to fabricate in his ears and he moved more swiftly towards the humming. All of a sudden the humming of the Queen bee engulfed his whole fox senses. At that moment a gigantic Queen bee appeared before the fox, and at that moment the collar was released from the fox and all the weight of the world and the chain dropped for the first time in years as the Queen bee carried the fox off to a pot of Honey and dropped him in. The honey tasted so good.
Thank you Mister Richards said the man behind the desk. Welcome to our company. Mr. Richards reached out his hand and shook the hand of the owner of the largest clothes manufacturer in the world and said thank you sir for hiring me. As Mr. Richards left the lobby and walked out into the street. He looked up to the Heavens and said “Thank You God, I’m glad that’s over.”
A friend and I were driving across the Nevada desert when we saw a large Cathouse with a flashing neon sign,we turned into the driveway and came upon another sign that read,''Warning:No Tresspassing-Violators Will Be Prostituted''
Let's just cut to the punchline here. I need to focus on a stupendous display of idiocy; The WBC. No, this is not a media outlet, it is not a new political faction, it is not a new Pro Wrestling nor MMA Production. This is Westboro Baptist Church. These are the "God Hates Fags" morons that go around protesting Funeral Services of military service men and women because they believe that God hates homosexuals sooooo much that he is killing our soldiers to punish us for being a country full of people who accept/tolerate (whatever, you get the picture) homosexuals. He is punishing us for our complacency...one IED at a time. Gotcha.
Okay, first, do these people even read The Holy F--king Bible? Don't these assholes realize that the last time God was pissed off with flamers he turned Sodom & Gomorrah into dust? Do you think that God did that one soldier at a time? I' not thinking so. I'm thinking it was probably something grossly more catastrophic than that. Further, if he could pick off one soldier at a time, could he not also pick off one homosexual at a time? So, if he's so mad with homosexuals, then why not pick them off? Makes a little more sense to go direct to the source. I'm not suggesting that's a good idea, just trying to make a point. I have nothing against anyone for their sexuality. I simply don't care that much about a person's sexuality with the exception of the fact that I LOVE LOVE LOVE (written with a lisp) to make fun of flamboyant men. Sorry, it's just the way it is. Chinese people are bad drivers, too. Those fawkers are hilarious. I almost spit up my tuna salad sandwich at Jersey Mike's subs while watching a very flamboyant man order his sandwhich. He was a black man with an accent. Perhaps Nigerian. I know, it's already hilarious. He was dressed in khaki pants and a loud button-up shirt with Aussie-style cowboy boots. He also had those crazy contacts that make your pupils look like star-bursts. He was on the phone the entire time that he ordered his sandwich, paid for it and exited--never put the phone down. What an ass, right? Anyway, this guy starts dancing, like two-stepping and shimming his hips and wriggling his butt to the music that was playing the sub shop, seemingly oblivious to the fact that he's doing it, all the while talking on the phone and ordering a sandwich. Freakin' hilarious! But I digress....
Back to the WBC. These people showed up outside the Twitter office in San Fransisco (they must have thought they made it to the belly of the beast of the 8th Boglia of Hell!).Why are they protesting Twitter? Here's the quote from one protester, "Twitter should be used to tell the punks of doomed America that God hates you!" What? I'm speechless. That is so far beyond retarded that I don't know how to respond. Seriously.
So, here's the really good part. Apparently, the 9 intelligent people of San Francisco who had nothing to do that day decided to gather to PROTEST the protesters, making a mockery oft he WBC. These folks were holding signs that said, "God Hates Ponies" and "Sodomy is So Much Fun," just to name a couple. Love it! Frickin awesome.
It took less than 30 minutes for the WBC to abandon their Twitter Protest. LMAO!
Anywho, I don't pretend to know God's intentions nor his preference about people's sexuality, but I can tell you I'm pretty sure that I know what he thinks about assholes.
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