"I love working in the private sector!" enthused the male gynecologist. 

   After 2-packs-a-day for more years than I care to remember, I finally swore off cigarettes.

   One week later, I was startled when this stranger at a bus-stop asked me if I had recently given up smoking.

   "That's right," I replied.  "How did you know?"

   "Got a notion," he explained, smiling, "when you ground out your gum wrapper with your shoe." 

...a man who had sex with a horse was sentenced to 3 years in prison.  Man denied doing anything wrong and insists that he and the horse had a stable relationship. 

   While brutishly pursuing an attractive American secretary in his employ, one US-based foreign oil executive behaved in an openly inappropriate manner.

   Eventually, the arrogant tycoon was successfully sued for over $6 million; allowing him to perceive, for the first time, the high price of "crude."   

If the artist ever wants to move to the United States, he will find plenty of manure in Washington to sculpt every member of Congress.

Coincidentally, 950 is also the average number of tries for a typical Florida driver.

  Would a female virgin, who'd been manually pleasured by her date, have to be considered "digitally altered."  

   If this vast Republic can function with a single Vice President, why do so many corporations require more than twenty?

   That's a lot of Joe-Biden-types to tolerate at one business meeting. 

   Meanest guy I ever knew was this giant of a man they called "Bruno, The Bat."

   Bruno would often grab an extended cane, go to the public library, fake vision-impairment and withdraw several books written in Braille.

   Then, he took those books home and "sanded" them down

   Eventually, Bruno went so far as to deface a copy of the Koran; even bragged about it.

   Not long afterward, "The Bat" disappeared one Friday night--right out of his favorite wiseguy bar.

   Word is, "The Blind Sheik" gave the order.

   My wife, Margaret, was 8 1/2 months pregnant when our teenage son, Frankie, asked her a difficult moral question.

   Struggling to find the right words, Marge stammered, "You can't...you shouldn't.  I mean, it would be best if you didn't..."

   "Dad!" interrupted Frankie; addressing me, in the next room.  "Mom's having contractions!"  

Too many twits, not enough wits.