I was ruffling through Bill Gates trash can (hey, don't judge me!) and came across his bank statement...which was just a infinity sign.

The United Nations has sent actress Angelina Jolie to visit flood-ravaged Pakistan.  Pakistan has released a statement: “Thank you United Nations.  Angelina Jolie tastes delicious.” 

 AOL has hired an advisor to increase the company’s market share. His advice? Build a time machine and set to 1995.

A study by U.K. scientists says bumblebees are at risk of becoming extinct because of inbreeding. More important, why are the British even studying bees from West Virginia?

Actress Melanie Griffith has checked into a Beverly Hills rehab center.  The actress says she checked in for a basic physical and her 30,000 drink tune-up.  

According to the Center for Disease Control and Prevention, about 21 percent of adults in the United States are smokers.  In a related story, about 21 percent of adults have absolutely rancid breath. 

A Nevada Gubenatorial candidate is touting a proposal where drivers would pay 25 dollars to drive as fast as 90 miles per hour on the highway. Paris Hilton responded, "See, I'm not the only one paying for speed!"

Imagine my relief when I heard a Florida church was going to burn the Quran. For a while, I thought they were going to build the Koran.

when your waterbed has bedbugs.

A church in Gainesville, Florida will be marking this September 11th with the ultimate test of whether free speech is still safe in America: Koran-burning. Pastor Terry Jones has come under criticism from all quarters: Democrats, Republicans, and their Islamic masters.

All of whom are completely right to be upset. This is the Muslims' holy book, after all. I mean, can you imagine burning a German's copy of Mein Kampf?