Yeah as y'all know, the World Series gets underway tomorrow night.  And the New York Yankees and the Philadelphia Phillies are two teams that are similar in a lot of ways, really they are.  They do have one HUGE, CONTROVERSIAL, AND DISGUSTING thing separating them, though.  It's called NEW JERSEY.

Unemployment is now 10.2 percent. How bad is the economy? The economy is so bad that Archie is pimping Betty AND Veronica. The economy is so bad that people are using the DMV as a portrait studio. The economy is so bad the former Miss USA, Carrie Prejean had to pawn her implants. The economy is so bad, Donald Trump had to fire himself. The economy is so bad, the Three Little Pigs can't afford to get swine flu. The economy is so bad, the Geico caveman ate the Geico Gecko. The economy is so bad, Madonna adopted a baby from Detroit.

President Barack Obama signed a joint resolution of the Senate and the House that made Casimir Pulaski an honorary citizen, 230 years after the Polish nobleman died fighting for the American colonies against the British.   In a statement released today, Senator John McCain said, "It was a privilege and honor for me to fight along side this brave man."

President Barack Obama assured American Indians that they have a place  on his agenda, telling tribal leaders they deserve more from their government.   Tribal leaders told the President they need more funding for such things as education, health care, and slot machines.

If the artist ever wants to move to the United States, he will find plenty of manure in Washington to sculpt every member of Congress.

A South Korean woman earned her driver's license after 950 tries. Way to go squashing cheesy stereotypes, honey! 

   If this vast Republic can function with a single Vice President, why do so many corporations require more than twenty?

   That's a lot of Joe-Biden-types to tolerate at one business meeting. 

   After 2-packs-a-day for more years than I care to remember, I finally swore off cigarettes.

   One week later, I was startled when this stranger at a bus-stop asked me if I had recently given up smoking.

   "That's right," I replied.  "How did you know?"

   "Got a notion," he explained, smiling, "when you ground out your gum wrapper with your shoe." 

   My wife, Margaret, was 8 1/2 months pregnant when our teenage son, Frankie, asked her a difficult moral question.

   Struggling to find the right words, Marge stammered, "You can't...you shouldn't.  I mean, it would be best if you didn't..."

   "Dad!" interrupted Frankie; addressing me, in the next room.  "Mom's having contractions!"  

I just saw the film Paranormal Activity. Man, it was scarier than the ticket prices!

In the film, a young couple are haunted by what they believe to be a demon. But here's the twist- it's a creditor.

At one point, the male lead gets macho about how he's not letting a demon mess with his girl. Really? What'cha gonna do? Jump him outside a bar with 5 of your buddies?

   Meanest guy I ever knew was this giant of a man they called "Bruno, The Bat."

   Bruno would often grab an extended cane, go to the public library, fake vision-impairment and withdraw several books written in Braille.

   Then, he took those books home and "sanded" them down

   Eventually, Bruno went so far as to deface a copy of the Koran; even bragged about it.

   Not long afterward, "The Bat" disappeared one Friday night--right out of his favorite wiseguy bar.

   Word is, "The Blind Sheik" gave the order.