A mystery surrounding the whereabouts of South Carolina Gov. Mark Sanford was apparently solved late Monday when a Sanford spokesman said he was hiking along the Appalachian Trail.  The spokesman said the governor was upset and just wanted to be alone after learning that Jon and Kate were getting a divorce.  

...Paris Hilton has filed suit against the National Enquirer after a reporter called her a "shithead".  Hilton then immediately filed suit claiming "defecation of character." 

A Northern California elementary school teacher sent her students home for the summer with a video of class memories, only the DVD included six seconds of her having sex on a couch.  Even more embarrassing, she was having sex with one of her students.

Governor Palin has announced that she will resign on July 26.  This has led many to speculate a Presidential run and perhaps a television or radio show in the mean time. 

Personally I am hoping that she had a mistress in Argentina and there are pictures and videos and posters and trading cards made of the two women.  Or, one of those 4 picture rolls you get from those photo-booths in the mall. 

Apple has issued an alert to iPhone users that the phones may overheat if exposed to high tempertaures,  if worn in pockets of tight clothes, or if users download pics of Megan Fox.

Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin said in a statement that she will be resigning from office by the end of the month, cutting her term off sort, which would have ended in 2010.

Palin says she isn't bothered when people choose not to go through with things, unless, of course, "it's any of my daughter's possible, unwanted, forced-upon marriages. Um, The End."

It's too bad father Joe didn't knock some common sense into little Michael when he had the chance.

After the recount, the results were certified by Katherine Harris.

Very unexpectedly this afternoon, Sarah Palin resigned as governor of Alaska.

And very predictably moments later, Keith Olbermann spontaneously ejaculated in his pants.

The Statue of Liberty will reopen on the 4th of July,for the first time since 911.It's been so long since anyone was inside of her,she may explode long before the Macy's fireworks do. 

 

So this guy goes to a carpet store. The salesman tells him to take his shoes off and try the different grades of carpet. He steps on the first one and says " Hey, that's pretty nice, what's that?". The salesman says " That's Stainmaster and it's 50 per square yard". The guy steps on the next one and says " That's incredible, what's that?". The salesman says " That's 100% wool and it's 100 per square yard". The guy steps on the next one, a really deep shag, and says "This is amazing. I am in love, what's this?" The salesman says " I can't sell you this, it costs too much." The guy says " Why not?". The salesman says " Governor Sanford, that's Argentinian beaver and it will cost you everything.".