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If you're like me, you only have a few seconds for the news and an anal fistula. BBC.com offers the kind of one-line reports that I need from a news website. I'm the kind of person who only gets to the prepositions of Headlines like "President Bush gives Saddam 24 hours to" and "Paris Hilton released from" and "For"
That's why I've taken my favorite article Headlines from the BBC and I'm sharing them with those who always thought news had to be boring. BBC is the best news source for providing particularly "awesome" stories for my everyday experience. One day it's "Tony Blair Retires, No One Cares," the next day it's "Magic Talking Robot Escapes Zoo and Finds Harry Potter's Invisibility Cloak." The boring ones are real, but in my mind the strange, sometimes egregiously misspelled or misnomered are the greatest stories of our times. Here are a few. If there is doubt, click the link to the original Headline:
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/asia-pacific/6178659.stm
World's Tallest Man Saves Dolphin: Dolphins swallowed some plastic, and doctors could not surgically remove it, so they called NOT just a really tall guy, but the world's tallest man on record to reach into the stomachs of the awake but anesthetized dolphins and pull out the plastic. Reports say one hung-over dolphin said to the other: "Is it just me or did we have the world's longest man inside us last night? SLAP ME SOME FIN!"
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/americas/6063926.stm
America Adopts Tough New Space Policy: George Bush is upset with space for harboring known terror suspects. If Space does not respond within 48 hours, he promises to invade the entire galaxy!
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/entertainment/6240312.stm
Germany Imposes Ban on Tom Cruise: This one is funny enough (banning Tom Cruise from making a movie in Germany) but some of the article was scary too: "Cruise will play Colonel Claus von Stauffenberg in Valkyrie, leader of the 1944 plot to assassinate Adolf Hitler using a bomb hidden in a briefcase, scheduled for release next year." I don't think they are aware of the danger entailed with "releasing a 60 year old bomb with Hitler's name on it. The article also said: Tom's "Personal beliefs have absolutely no bearing on the movie's plot or themes" which is usually true since Tom's acting usually has little to do with a movie's plot or themes.
http://news.bbc.co.uk/cbbcnews/hi/sci_tech/newsid_2730000/2730639.stm
Scientist Invents Harry Potter Invisibility Cloak: I wasn't lying. Japan probably made this shit fifteen years ago.
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/technology/6752853.stm
FBI Tries to Fight Zombie Hordes: It's all true. Zombies!!!
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If you're like me, you only have a few seconds for the news and an anal fistula. BBC.com offers the kind of one-line reports that I need from a news website. I'm the kind of person who only gets to the prepositions of Headlines like "President Bush gives Saddam 24 hours to" and "Paris Hilton released from" and "For" 
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