For mom-An unlimited gift card so she can shop all day and won’t drive your father crazy.

For Dad-A gun with rubber bullets so he can get his stress out without killing your mother.

For sister-A new car so she can snag herself a rich husband and support the rest of the family.

For brother-An all year membership to both a gym and a strip club so that girlfriend your mother hates can be a memory.

For your man-A hooker. That way he is out of your hair and you can have a night of peace and quiet.