Found in the Mexican state of Veracruz, archaeologists say this slab of stone is the oldest script ever discovered in the Western Hemisphere. (14 inches long, 8 inches wide and 5 inches thick.)

Scientists were chagrined when upon disciphering the relic, it turned out to be a flier for "Troglo-bites," a primitive strip club in downtown Veracruz. The cave closed in approximately 900 B.C. due to complaints from neighborhood residents and the fact the dollar bill was not invented yet.