Rocket Engineer John Wickman has just received a $730,000 grant to develop a new type of rocket motor.  Shocked by the reporters’ dumbfounded reaction to the term ‘pintle nozzle,’ a frustrated Wickman exclaimed “c’mon, man, it’s not rocket science! Oh wait, yes it is,” then proceeded to describe the directional control it provides.  

Married women across the US who are tired of cleaning pee out of hard-to-reach toilet crevices are awaiting a scaled-down residential application.

Secretary of State Rumsfeld has given the project a high priority rating.  This new nozzle will give us more accurate missiles, which we need because despite the gigantic glasses, Kim Jong Il is still a very small target.