DECLINING NUDE

Fallen pop star Britney Spears just bared all for Harper's Bazaar. We hope the deep-fried diva took care of those calloused, public-restroom-touchin' hilbilly feet before the shoot! When asked why the 6-months knocked-up Spears chose now to pose nekkid, a source said "It's the thinnest she's been in 2 years."

In a related story, Kevin Federline's self-financed nude Kmart photoshoot was once again rejected by Guns and Ammo.

RHYMES WITH MIDICULOUS

How do you get over the violent murder of your long-time bodyguard? How about by festooning yourself with $5 million worth of sports-themed bling! That's just what Busta Rhymes did when he dined out in Beverly Hills recently. The rambunctious rapper was overheard shouting, "I pity the fool who doesn't bring me my fat-free dressing on the side!" Diamonds are forever, and apparently so was Busta's wait for more bread, according to a source.

Stay tuned for more tantalizing tidbits from Tinseltown. Because you needn't concern yourself with anything else that's happening in the world.