Wii want to make our girlfriends lose respect for us.

Wii want to remind ourselves constantly that our little siblings are better at something than Wii are.

Wii want to embarrass ourselves at parties by being “totally sick” at Mario Kart.

Wii want to violently thrash around until Link breaks something or Wii break the TV with the Wii-mote.

Wii want our Match.com profile to include “Cooking Mama” as a hobby.

Wii want to remind ourselves that this machine was designed for children.

Wii want to Wii-ken our shot at Grad School.

Wii want (need) another activity that gets better while drinking.

Wii want to die alone.

Wii want to play (sort of).