New KGB Borscht, by Chef V. Pootine

 

2 quarts beef stock
3 tablespoons butter
1 cup cabbage, finely chopped
1 cup potatoes, diced
1/2 cup carrots, diced
1 stalk celery, minced
1 onion, chopped
1 1/2 cups canned tomatoes
1/2 cup juice (from can of beets)
1 cup cooked or canned beets, diced
1 teaspoon vinegar
chopped dill or parsley (for garnishing)
dollop sour cream

a pinch of radioactive isotope polonium-210

 

In a large heavy pan, melt butter and lightly sauté cabbage, potatoes, carrots, celery and onion for approximately 5 minutes. Add beef stock.

Blend canned tomatoes or press through a sieve until fine. Add pureed tomatoes and beet juice to stock. Cover and simmer over low heat until vegetables are firmly tender but not soft.

At this point, add the polonium-210, being careful not to get it on any exposed skin, as you will die.

Season well with salt and pepper and serve with a dollop of sour cream to your least favorite person.