Since learning of waterboarding—a technique of interrogation where water is poured over a restrained prisoner's face until he thinks that drowning is inescapable, has been in the news, I have been using it once a week on my roommate.

I don't know if it would cause terrorists to give up their secrets, but I have found that my roommate is much more likely to purchase toilet paper and wash the dishes than before.

I highly recommend the technique for home use, and I'd like to thank the news media for their very informative and helpful coverage.