A Squirrel that has been attacking people for the past week in Winter Park, FL, has finally been captured and put down. After testing negative for rabies, doctors have suggested the squirrel had some chemical imbalance or injury that caused his aggressive behavior.

After some investigating of my own, I have an alternate theory based on the tiny journal I found buried beneath an oak near the site of the attacks. Below are the last few tiny entries.

August 9^th
My intelligence continues to escalate daily. I can only assume that in addition to Darwin's process of natural selection, evolution also likes to throw the dice if you will, and my highly accelerated acumen is just that, a trial run of a random variation. I've been reading everything I can get my paws on, mostly discarded newspapers. I'm becoming increasingly despondent at the behavior of human beings outside these walls.

August 10^th
Today I attacked a five-year-old boy and bit him fiercely. It seems the more intelligent I become, the more enraged I feel. Normally a human child would seem harmless at best, and possibly offer a food source to me, but now I see into the depths of the child, to the seed of evil that lies in its heart of darkness. It just felt right to bite him.

August 11^th
Humans clearly are a virus and I have taken an oath to rid the planet of them. I've tried to communicate this to the other squirrels, but of course they are too stupid to see past their instincts enough to see the human for the plague that it is. Tomorrow I will attack again.

August 12^th
Today I attacked another child and, unable to destroy it, I retreated. I fear that I will be captured soon, or worse. If another squirrel of my ilk finds these pages, then let them inspire you to continue the fight. Don't be fooled by the human's acts of kindness and nut-giving. Outside these trees and bushes they are evil creatures. We must rise up and cast them out. Our very survival depends on it. Into battle, my furry brethren.

Authors Note: Don't expect to see this story in the mainstream press. And perhaps they're right. If the public knew about the true number of genius animal attacks, there might be a panic. But stay on guard. The next time your crossword puzzle finishes itself while sitting on the park bench, you may be in grave danger.