SF Giants star Barry Bonds' trainer was recently jailed for refusing to testify that he'd given Barry drugs.

Authorities recently confiscated marijuana plants that were growing from the lamp post baskets on High Street, in downtown Millville, NJ.. Police have been receiving anonymous tips and suspect more drug activity taking place on Acid Trip Blvd., Needle Mark Lane, and Crystal Meth Court. Good work, Lou...

Nearly 75 people gathered in Keene, N.H.'s Central Square at 4:20 p.m. Thursday, to protest drug laws as city councilors grapple with a resolution that would decriminalize small amounts of marijuana. Shockingly, none of the 75 had to be at work at that time.

 My parents smoke pot...but only for medicinal purposes. It helps alleviate the pain of failure.

I think my mom got stoned while I was in the womb, because I was born lazy.

  She used to deal pot too. She did it because our family got stung by the economy. She stopped dealing when she got stung by the cops.

My dad had a drug problem, but he made progress with it...he progressed from pot to coke.

 He eventually kicked the habit...of being a father. It was affecting his drug habit.

He finally quit when he realized he couldn't pawn the car...because it was impounded.

Pitcher Tim Lincecum of the San Francisco Giants,has won the Cy Young Award for the second straight year.He led the National League in strikeouts and marijuana possession.

San Francisco Giants pitcher Tim Lincecum is facing misdemeanor charges after a state trooper approached his Mercedes and smelled marijuana. Lincecum was inside and high.

Botanists have created a marijuana plant that can produce twice as much pot.It's from the genus double jointus. 

...the manager of a Jamaican reggae band was arrested at Kennedy airport and charged with smuggling 2 lbs of marijuana into the country.  The man insists he is innocent and was framed, but the authorities claim he was caught dread handed.  

Andy Rooney recently had his eyebrows groomed by his gardener who used a weed whacker and a rake.  

Rapper Lil Wayne pleaded guilty in Manhattan court today to a gun charge.

Last year, following a performance at the Beacon Theater in NYC, cops raided Lil Wayne’s tour bus on the suspicion that he was in the possession of marijuana. But what they found was a bit more serious than a little weed.

When the NYPD approached the bus, Lil Wayne allegedly tossed a Louis Vuitton bag with a gun inside, which got him charged with attempted weapon possession.

Authorities reportedly tied the gun to Lil Wayne using “a debated, highly sensitive DNA profiling technique”:

He’s black… He’s a rapper… He’s guilty! 

I wonder if Native Americans celebrate Columbus day...It'd be like Detroit celebrating slavery.

There was a sign in the road that said no "U" turns, too bad it left out the cursive "V" turn....or upside down “n” turn......I think I'll take the cursive "V".

I know a genius....to bad he's retarded. 

When I was a kid, soccer was my anti drug, now that i'm all grown up, marijuana is my gateway drug. 

Cocaine is just sugar all grown up....Have you ever had the all grown up frosted flakes? ...............THEY'RRRRRRRRRRRREE... addictive

My girlfriend is so clingy and obsessed, i have a better chance getting rid of herpes than her.

Flies are like the herpes of insects, you can get rid of them for a while, but they always come back...ant's are like crabs....fucking everywhere.

Edible underwear are just fruit roll ups tied into a pretzel.

I'm pretty sure i'm good at drinking....but i don't remember.

I got a golden glove, not in baseball, in boxing....I always caught a good punch...with my face

I hate male porn stars, they make me feel shitty about myself.... and last time i tried to choke a girl like they do, she just kicked the shit out of me.

I tried hard in school....until the second day came.

Guys, I figured out what turns a girl on, the power button.

I'm good at sex, I've gotten every girl I've had sex with to scream “Get Off!!!” interpret that anyway you please.

My mind sucks at wandering....it always gets stuck in the gutter

I live life in the fast lane....of a traffic jam.

(talking to the crowd)Over the years, i've realized i'm a lot funnier the drunker you are......to an extent.

I approach every math problem with the same thing... a blank stare

I was late for work the other day, and my boss asked me why i was late, so i told him i got lost....He asked where....

I don't think prostitutes ever got the bird and the bees talk.

People say God is flawless...Have you ever seen the people from Kentucky??? The big guy forgot to double check that one.

If Jesus was the greatest man to walk the earth, can I be the second best?

I don't think Hitler was loved enough as a child.