Miss Piggy and an unnamed feral pig were married over the weekend.

The Swine Flu to Hawaii on flight H1N1  where they will honeymoon and be celebrity roasted.

Unemployment is now 10.2 percent. How bad is the economy? The economy is so bad that Archie is pimping Betty AND Veronica. The economy is so bad that people are using the DMV as a portrait studio. The economy is so bad the former Miss USA, Carrie Prejean, had to pawn her implants. The economy is so bad, Donald Trump had to fire himself. The economy is so bad, the Three Little Pigs can't afford to get swine flu. The economy is so bad, the GEICO caveman ate the GEICO Gecko. The economy is so bad, Madonna adopted a baby from Detroit.

Economy experts claim that the threat of swine flu has drastically lowered hog prices, costing the industry more than $1 billion.  As a result, scientists in New York City are desperately searching for a new strain of virus they can call the “rent flu”.

It takes years and YEARS for drugs to be approved for human use.  Yet, in like 20 days of the arrival of the Swine Flu they had already created the Swine Flu Shot.  Granted the shot has killed like 19 people.  But what if it DID cure you of Swine Flu, but also mutated you due to their speedy process?  Like, "Doctor, I AM feeling better now but, I'm a TALKING F*ckin' Turtle, What am I supposed to do now?  I don't even know Karate!"   

Prisoners at Guantanamo Bay are getting the H1N1 vaccine,while the American public suffers without.They want to personally thank the imperialist swine who delivered it. 

H1N1 is such a menace these days that it's put a dung topping on American Health Care. Yes, the Swine Flu is such a harbinger of doom that human experimentation of the drug seems to be best left alone. If pigs can fly, let's just say a better health care system for U.S. Citizens seems as close as shoving a 1,000 pound sow through the eye of a hypo-needle. 

In related news, Al Gore was seen yesterday in a "Big and Tall" store shopping for a hazmat suit.

Sad news today, Miss Piggy has died of the Swine flu. It's a sad day in Muppet Land, and If you asked me how she was gonna go out I would have guessed Diabetes.

Joe Shannon, a retired Alabama National Guard pilot who trained anti-Castro pilots and flew in the failed Bay of Pigs invasion of Cuba nearly five decades ago, died Tuesday. He was 88.  The cause of death is unknown, but because of his job, swine flu has not been ruled out.

News coming from Ontario Canada, that some Turkeys were found with the Swine Flu. According to authorities, the birds are in quarantine and will not be slaughtered prematurely.  Oh that's the humane thing to do!  Because it would be barbaric to kill the turkey before it's TIME.

Looks like the stuffed animals and hand puppet industry may be the latest casualty of H1N1. In Minneapolis, Hennepin County libraries say plush toys and hand puppets will no longer be available for checkout or play, partly because of H1N1 flu concerns. Puppets have been available at less than half of the 41 libraries in the suburbs and in Minneapolis and some are allowed to be checked out. And while there's no way to know if anyone has gotten ill through the puppets, the libraries are sensitive to the real threat and public sense that puppets might be germy. So for now the kids will only have toys that can easily wiped down.  ***MARLAR: Miss Piggy is insistent it has nothing to do with her.