Sheryl Crow recently announced that her music would change as a result of the cancer she faced.

Music fans responded with the first ever cheer of "Hurrah for cancer!"

PS Look for her new album, "There's Always a Silver Lining (Even When The Dark Cloud is CANCER!)"

PPS All joking aside, I believe that if cancer could be defeated, it would be worth having to listen to Sheryl Crow's music.

Reason to hate the French #2401 – The Tour De France.

As if their political views, love for their idiot soccer, and body odor wasn’t bad enough, the French love a bicycle race. A long bicycle race. Like 20 stages, up and down the mountains, and like 3600 kilometers total. I’m not sure what’s more annoying: The French, a long bicycle race, or trying to convert stupid kilometers to miles.

By the way, most stages take place in France though it is very common to have a few stages in nearby countries such as Italy, Spain, Switzerland, Belgium, Luxembourg and Germany. So apparently, it's the Tour de mostly France. Shitheads.

The reason I hate bicycle riding today is those stupid outfits. I don’t care that the professionals wear them. I mean, if you’re a guy and feel comfortable in an aqua or pink skin-tight, package-revealing leotard, sp*ked shoes, and an aerodynamic helmet avec chin strap, who am I to judge you, you f*g.

What bothers me is that regular people wear this crap around New York City! They think they’re in the race! I have news for you, if you buy that full outfit to ride in Central Park, I don’t even consider you in the Human race. Did mommy not let you dress up for Halloween? I play football in the park, but usually I leave the shoulder pads and helmet at home - I want to keep them ready for a late weekend set at Dangerfields. Now that’s where you need protection!

It’s all Lance Armstrong’s fault. Nothing rallies Americans into spending money on charity and yellow Nike spandex like a good looking cancer survivor that banged Sheryl Crow. Thanks wristband boy.

By the way I think it’s hilarious that after the Americans win, the French immediately accuse us of taking drugs. Uh, bonjour? IT’S A MONTH'S WORTH OF A BICYCLE RACE!! I need two Advil and anti-narcolepsy drugs just to watch the highlights. Maybe Louis XVI requested that his head be severed off rather than watch any more bicycle riding.

The bottom line on all of this? I’ll take baseball, hot dogs and apple pie over bicycle races, brie, and a bunch of French crepe any day.

Testfying under oath last January, Lance Armstrong said, "I would never beat my wife, and I never took performance-enhancing drugs." He added, "I will, however, leave Sheryl Crow if she ever gets cancer."

Cities across the country are battling a massive influx of unwanted crows. To battle the problem, they’ve tried everything from loud fireworks to falcons to scare away the pesky birds. When asked to comment, the Bush administration offered this suggestion...build a wall in the sky to keep them out.

A routine mammogram helped Sheryl Crow detect breast cancer.

Moral of the story: Make mammograms illegal.

-- A message from The Hunt, Attack, Capture, and Kill Sheryl crow (HACKS) foundation.

Lance Armstrong lashed out strongly at accusations that he, like fellow American cyclist Floyd Landis, has also used performance enhancing drugs to win the Tour de France.  "I may have done some unethical things, like leaving my first wife after I became famous even though she nursed me through my cancer recovery.  I know I shacked up with Sheryl Crow for a while and then dumped her around the same time she learned she had breast cancer.  That was wrong too, but not illegal.  Except for the illegitimate wristband industry I've indirectly spawned, I have no connection to any illegal activity."

The Tour de France is gearing up for stage six today. Just like last year, the winner gets the usual cash purse and a five month engagement to Sheryl Crow.