Authors of the popular "For Dummies" series of books meeting in San Francisco this past weekend wandered about aimlessly as there is yet no "Conferences for Dummies" book available.

The world famous gay penguins at the San Francisco zoo have broken up when it was discovered one of the penguins had gone straight.

The errant penguin has been renamed, Anne Heche.

SAN FRANCISCO (AP) — San Francisco Giant Jonathan Sanchez pitched the first no-hitter of 2009 on friday night, beating the Allen High School Badgers 29-0.

On Thursday, San Francisco Giants pitcher Tim Lincecum was awarded the NL Cy Young by the Baseball Writers Association and High Times Magazine.

Pitcher Tim Lincecum of the San Francisco Giants,has won the Cy Young Award for the second straight year.He led the National League in strikeouts and marijuana possession.

San Francisco Giants pitcher Tim Lincecum is facing misdemeanor charges after a state trooper approached his Mercedes and smelled marijuana. Lincecum was inside and high.

Marc Anthony, Jennifer Lopez's husband has become a minority owner in the Miami Dolphins.  This move was apparently done to increase ticket sales to Miami's Hispanic population.

In related moves, the San Francisco 49ers sold a piece of the team to Clay Aiken and the Dallas Cowboys started "Bring your favorite Mexican to a game" day.  Comedian George Lopez couldn't be reached for comment. 

The father of a 3-month old gorilla abandoned by its mother at the San Francisco Zoo has picked a handsome name for his son. Zookeepers on Wednesday set up five melons in the father gorilla’s enclosure, each one representing a different name. Oscar Jonesy, the father, chose the melon for “Hasani” which means “handsome in Swahili. The same gorilla was used by President Obama to choose his Cabinet.

A prospect for the San Francisco Giants is charged with murder.  In a similar story, Omar Minaya is charged with killing the Mets' season.

Kellogg's just can't seem to get a break these days. Maybe you remember some weeks back the story about the angry consumer that realized that Froot Loops cereal contains no actual fruit and decided to sue for false advertising. Now Kellogg's is dealing with more false advertising claims, this time from San Francisco City Attorney, Dennis Herrera, who just announced that he has written a letter to the CEO of the cereal company demanding evidence that Cocoa Krispies really "helps support your child's immunity" as it purports to do on the front of the box. Herrera claims Kellogg's is shamefully playing to the public's fears about the recent swine flu epidemic and that they might "mislead parents into believing that serving this sugary cereal will actually boost their child's immunity, leaving them less likely to take more productive steps to protect their children's health." If you haven't seen a box of Cocoa Krispies cereal lately, they do feature a big yellow banner that reads: "Helps Support Your Child's Immunity!" Cocoa Krispies' ingredients do not include flu vaccines and the so-called "immunity" cereal is 40% sugar by weight. Kellogg's company spokesperson, Susanne Norwitz, would only say that Kellogg's Krispies cereals provide consumers with 25 percent of their daily value of vitamins A, C, and E, which play an important role in boosting immunity according to peer-reviewed, published, scientific research. (San Francisco Weekly) ***MARLAR: Using Kellogg’s rationale, I could dip my breakfast burrito into a jar of One-a-Day vitamins and say the burrito now “supports immunity.” 

President Barack Obama, expressing his openness to a newspaper bailout bill, stated that good journalism is “critical to the health of our democracy."

Insiders report  that the proposal would allow ABC, NBC, CBS, MSNBC, CNN, NPR, L. A. Times, New York Times, Boston Globe, Washington Post, Chicago Tribune, San Francisco Chronicle, Newsweek and Time Magazine to copy news stories from FOX NEWS in support of said “good journalism.”