Baghdad's power grid too spotty to use electric chair.

New York Times reporter John F. Burns told CNN's Wolf Blitzer Monday evening that Barzan Hassan's head "just snapped off," because he was apparently given too much rope and fell too far -- about eight feet -- for a man of his medium build and weight.

Barzan Hassan was a former chief of the secret police and Hussein's half-brother- well, now more like two-fifths.

A spokesman for Bally's Total Fitness in downtown Baghdad said the company would not refund the balance of Hussein's membership since it had a signed contract. 

"I Lost 215 Pounds in One Day!"* 

-G.W. Bush, Washington, D.C.

* Results not typical.  Individual results may vary.  As always, you should consult a doctor before picking a fight with one of the world's superpowers.

Three men were arrested for heckling Saddam Hussein during his last moments.  The men are heard on their bootleg video shouting "to Hell!"

Saddam took the hecklers head-on, screaming "oh yeah!?  Well, your mother's so fat tha-aaaughh. . ."

1) Shiek Muhammed Muhammed, a representative from the United Arabic League, lashed out at how the American media has continually shown the cell phone footage of Saddam Hussein’s execution. “It was bad enough that they showed footage of a man being put to death like it was a good thing...” he fumed. “...But what was completely unacceptable was the part at the end where the nerdy infidel in the blue jacket and glasses came out and said: “Can you hear me now?”.

From the newspaper Al-Hayat Al-Jadida: "The sports department in the youth community center in Tulkarm is organizing the first soccer tournament named after the Shahid and leader, Saddam Hussein."

In honor of the Hussein regime, athletes from the losing teams will be tortured.

AP NEWS: Saddam Hussein mother was prevented from entering USA by custom officials. Reason officials stated "She is Butt Ugly." And we already passed the quota for uglies for the day.

The man known as "Chemical Ali", a former right hand man to Saddam Hussein, has been given his third death sentence. His first was last June for genocide of the Kurds, the second last December for a Shia rebellion crackdown.  Three death penalties, and he's still alive.  I guess that's one way to avoid getting killed in Iraq.