Abdul has received offers to be a dancer, choreographer, and spokesperson for Vicodin.

Ellen DeGeneres is set to replace Paula Abdul on American Idol.

In preparation to fill Abdul's shoes, DeGeneres is training hard with a steady diet of schnaps, NyQuil, Sudafed, and binge drinking pamphlets.

She's applied for a job as a judge on a "death panel.'

Guzzling Pills                   1

Good Career Decisions   0

There's speculation Paula Abdul is quitting to pursue a possible 2012 run for the presidency.

Paula Abdul has teamed up with Fran Drescher & Oliver North. The three will be judging Sock Puppets on the new Fox Reality show: Coo Coo, Fran & Ollie 

TALK SHOW HOST: American Idol champ Kris Allen was saddened to hear about Paula Abdul leaving ‘Idol.’

Allen said that he read about it on Twitter, and thinks it's sad -- sad, he says, "that I was actually reading Paula Abdul’s tweets."

SIDEKICK: Sadly, Abdul thought she was writing to her rum distributor. 

Her new name is Paulkistan Abdullah! Go figure!