The Cavaliers are off to a disastrous 0-2 start. Things haven't been this bleak in Cleveland since, well, yesterday.

An Ohio man dressed as a Breathalyzer test for Halloween found himself blowing into one after police stopped him for allegedly driving the wrong way without headlights on a one-way street. A similar incident happened to a man who was dressed up as a penis.

Two Ohio troopers have won back their jobs after being fired for pulling a KKK-type costume prank the day before Martin Luther King Day. An arbitrator ruled the firings violated a union contract. Upon hearing this, President Barack Obama’s cabinet suggested getting the parties together for a drink, but instead the president announced he will blow up the state of Ohio.

The Cleveland Browns are battling a bad bout of flu. Whereas Cleveland Browns fans are battling a bad bout of depression. Meanwhile, the Tennessee Titans are not battling the flu. They just suck.

Anthony Sowell was arrested after police say he raped, killed, and stored several bodies inside his Cleveland home over the course of several years.. One detective commented on how this case mimics others that have terrorized the city recently...  "For example: turn on your TV and watch a Browns game.. They get slaughtered every weekend and there's nothing we can do about it."

An Ohio man was shocked to have his high school ring back after 57 years at the wake for his high school sweetheart. Coincidentally, the ring was found 'inside' the corpse.

The curse of Friday the 13th struck Bruce Springsteen in a most unusual way at a concert: it made the 60-year-old rock legend forget where he was.  He said "Hello Ohio"! The Michigan concert goers felt cursed too. 

(WTVG-TV News) Whoever just robbed Henry's Jewelers in Toledo, Ohio is going to be in for a big shock. All those gold rings you stole are worth about 25 cents apiece. Owner Henry Triplett says oh sure -- they looked to be worth thousands of dollars. But the "gold" rings in his display case are actually just brass dummies-- mere samples of the real gold rings he keeps safely locked up and out of view. So the real cost of the robbery will only be the expense of replacing his store's front window and the shattered glass on 13 display cases.  ***MARLAR: It won’t be hard to find the culprits.  Just go immediately to the boyfriends of girls you see with green fingers.

The Cleveland Cavaliers plan to save $40,000 by switching from paper Christmas cards to electronic ones. It was either that or charge Shaquille O'Neal a nickel every time he missed a free throw.

Indian cattle are getting individual identity cards to prevent cattle rustling. Authorities in West Bengal say cows and bulls are often stolen then smuggled into Bangladesh. ***MARLAR: Most of the cows fainted though when shown the ID’s leather carrying case.