HILTON, SPEARS TO HEADLINE "SAVE THE BEAVERS" BENEFIT HOLLYWOOD. Paris Hilton and Britney Spears top the list of entertainment industry superstars who will be featured in an environmental charity concert for the Save the Beaver Foundation, according to promoters of the event.
"Dig, dig, dig!"
"If you had to give an award to the person in the world who's done the most to promote, protect and preserve the beaver, it would be a tie between those two," said impresario Sol Matnick. "We are flattered and honored that they will be displaying their wares on our stage."
"Nicole Kidman can't make it?"
The beaver is a semi-aquatic rodent with webbed hind feet and a flat tail that constructs dams and underwater lodges. While considered a nuisance by some for the damage it causes, the term is also used to refer to a woman's pudenda, which is the entrance to a more sought-after enclosure. 
"What's the big deal? I'm just getting out of the car."
"I'm not sure why they asked me and Britney to appear, but nature sounds like a good cause," Hilton said as she pulled down her skirt in order to exit her limousine. "Nature is what you walk through on your way into a club, right?"
In recent weeks Hilton and Spears have attracted attention by appearing in public without underpants, a fashion trend that clothing industry sources say could hurt retailers' revenues. "First women stopped wearing hats, then came casual Friday and men stopped wearing suits and ties," complained Ellen Gerson, a buyer for the Hart's department store chain. "Once they get into women's underpants, we're screwed."
Copyright 2006, Con Chapman
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