After accusing Michael J. Fox of exaggerating the effects of Parkinson's disease, Rush Limbaugh finally apologized. Then he added, "But Muhammed Ali is totally faking his blackness!"

I bought the DVD box set of Back To The Future, and on the box it said "10 Hours of Bonus Features".  I thought to myself, "What kind of a loser is going to watch 10 hours of bonus features?" Then I woke up sick today. 

Did you know that they started filming the first one with Eric Stoltz instead of Michael J. Fox? Did you know that some people thought those hover boards were real, but thought Mattel wasn't making them because of child safety laws! So lots of parents wrote Mattel and said they didn't care about their child's safety, just make the boards so they can get their kids to shut up. 

A new study shows marijuana smoking by a pregnant mother stunts the growth of her baby.

Maybe that's the reason why, on that old TV show "Family Ties" the one with the tall ex-hippie couple, they picked Michael J. Fox to play their first born son - Alex Keaton.

A New Jersey woman is suing a N.Y.

bar because she fell and hurt herself

while taking part in a contest named

Shake it like Shakira.  The bar will dis-

continue the contest and replace it with

a new one named Shake it like Michael J. Fox

Rush Limbaugh criticizing Michael J. Fox on his stem cell research stance.

Gee, if Rush keeps this up, he's going to give idiotic bigots a bad name.

The nearly 50-year old 'actress' now claims her tell-all book about her sexual playtimes with daddy are all a hoax to try to get money for her Unpox-A-Face Foundation, à la  Michael J. Fox's shaking it up with Parkinson's donations. Oprah will even soon start up her own charity, teaming up with that famous cellist. Hers will be known as, 'The Be No Yo-Yo Fat Fund!' Note: Mackenzie still claims that Mick Jagger gives really good head!

The Michael J Fox version of guitar hero comes with Maracas.

In a press release today, Michael J. Fox announced plans to battle a human embryo live on  Pay Per View, for the rights to its stem cells. 

"Apparently my shaky pleas for help are not getting through to the American public," Fox said.  "After they see me give that embryo a beat down on national television, they will understand that a Hollywood celebrity is superior to some unaccomplished fetus wannabe."

Rush Limbaugh is in talks to provide color commentary on the fight, and Fox has promised to be "off his meds" for the contest. 

Michael J. Fox has admitted that before testifying for Congress or shooting a political ad, he doesn't take his medication--for maximum effect to show how bad Parkinson's Disease is.

Indeed, in the much talked-about commercial he did for successful Missouri Senate candidate Claire McCaskill, it was obvious that Michael hadn't taken his embryo pills before the shoot.

Perhaps the Democrats really could be our best hope for cures to debilitating diseases and paraplegia. After all, if they're able to raise the dead to vote again, they can certainly heal the paralyzed to walk again.

On a related note, given the euphoria over the Democratic victory last week--from places like Syria, Iran and France--one can understand Democrats' obsession with stem cells: they're gonna need as many as they can get to rebuild their spines. 

Don't worry, Dems--with you guys in charge, the kids will be experimenting on embryos in lab class before we know it!

CBS TRIES "DESPERATE ANCHORBABES" APPROACH TO AID COURIC

NEW YORK. With its average audience slipping further behind network rivals, CBS Evening News today announced that it will shift to a "Desperate Anchorbabes" format, bringing Connie Chung and Barbara Walters, two failed anchorwomen from the past, out of retirement to aid former Today Show host Katie Couric.

"Another mudslide in South America!"

"We remain surprised that Katie's trademark upbeat approach, which worked so well with typical Today stories such as 'Ten Spooky Halloween Decorating Ideas!', is somewhat less successful for a hard news lead like 'Suicide Bomber Kills 18 in Tel Aviv Nightclub!'," said CBS News President Sean McManus.

Williams:  "He seems--so lifelike!"

CBS thought it had a winner on its hands last week with an exclusive interview with former "Family Ties" star Michael J. Fox, but the network instead fell to 7.3 million viewers, 1.1 million behind ABC's second-place "World News". NBC's "Nightly News", hosted by incredibly life-like anchor Brian Williams, led the way with 8.9 million viewers.

Walters:  "Ooo-those wascally Wepublicans!"

Barbara Walters overcame the so-called "Elmer Fudd" speech impediment to become the first woman co-anchor in American television history in 1976. Her tenure ended when she stumbled over a series of words containing the letter "r" in 1978, saying "Wonald Weagan, Wepublican presidential fwont-wunner, wealizes he won't win his party's nomination without wallying the wight-wing."

Chung:  "I'm not Mrs. Maury Povich--he's Mr. Connie Chung."

Chung became the second woman and the first Asian to co-anchor a major network?s national news broadcast in 1993, but was demoted in April, 1995 when she asked a fireman at the scene of the Oklahoma City bombing to hold her compact mirror while she applied mascara, a request that some viewers found insensitive.

CBS News' McManus believes the approach should attract highly-sought after female viewers, since as he put it, "Chicks tend to travel in groups--Sex in the City, Desperate Housewives, Charlie's Angels. You'll never see a woman walk into a bar alone like a guy would, but if you do, could you get her number for me?"

Copyright 2006, Con Chapman