Most people are shocked to learn that math-physics innovator and unqualified genius, Albert Einstein, was a dedicated skirt-chaser.

   Quite appropriately, his favorite line was:  "My wife just doesn't understand me." 

 Swedish scientists announced that men married to smart women live longer, so I updated my eHarmony profile to read, "Marry me - or die!"

Sarah Palin's new book " Going Rouge " will be released in paperback just in time for the holiday season . You can obtain a copy at most local 99 cent stores . Look for it next to the Clapper and Chia Pet .   

Lamar Odom says he wants to start having children with Khloe Kardashian right away. That way, their six-month marriage will still encompass most of the pregnancy.

   Asked a friend why he always remembers his ex-wife's birthday.

   "Well," he replied, philosophically, "since she's got most of my money, I just treat her like a rich relative." 

   Friend of mine quit expensive online dating services.

   Says too many of the women there just want to get married.

   Now he's into scrolling names of nearby female sex offenders. 

There once was a man from Wiscasset

Who couldn't afford him a casket.

So he bought him an axe

and with a couple of whacks,

his wife fit quite well in a basket. 

A teacher who became notorious in the 1990s for having an affair with a sixth-grader is hosting a “Hot For Teacher” night at a Seattle bar – along with the former student, now her husband. Bar owner Mike Morris says Mary Kay Letourneau has served her sentence and it’s OK for the couple to have some fun. Before they can enter the contest, each contestant must cross the crowded bar and ask one of the pimply faced, pocket protector wearing 14 year olds to dance and fondle their ass.

Shaquille O'Neal and his wife are divorcing after seven years of marriage. In seven years, O'Neal never hit her. Or a free throw.

Sarah Palin told Oprah between commercial breaks about her relationship with Levi Johnston ." I'm really so sorry he didn't marry my daughter Bristol . We had so much fun together . Levi and I would play many games whenever he came over to our house . My favorite game was,  " Guess what book I'm gonna read next ? "  If I stumped him I would grab him by the crotch and yell " Gotcha ! "  ***  Oprah broke the news to Sarah that Levi was going to pose nude in Playgirl Magazine next month . " Oh I didn't know that Oprah," confessed Palin . " I'm gonna fetch me a copy just as soon as it comes out . I can't wait to see Levi's titties ! "