LOS ANGELES, CA -- Lindsay Lohan's publicist criticized the media Thursday for mocking a heartfelt letter the actress wrote following director Robert Altman's death last week. When reached for comment, Mr. Altman’s family said that they were very moved by the letter and that “it was the most thoughtful thing ever written on a bar napkin.”

...Smartmoney.com has listed the 3 top signs that your home is about to lose value.  1. Lots of homes in the neighborhood have foreclosed.  2.  High unemployment rates in the neighborhood.  3.  Lindsay Lohan announces that she is moving in.     

...Dina Lohan has begun selling her own line of footwear, with the design emphasis being of mid-eastern style.  The shoes are very stylish, reasonably priced, and can be thrown at a president with remarkable ease & comfort.  

A teenage girl suffering from amnesia and found in New York City has been identified by relatives. "I won't be relieved until they get here and tell me who I am, what happened to me, and absolutely confirm that I'm not Lindsay Lohan."

In a bizarre twist, Lindsay Lohan, the suspected " Cat Burglar of Beverly Hills,"  was herself the victim of a robbery . Thieves ransacked the young and often troubled actresse's home yesterday . A safe was ripped out of the wall and many things were taken . The list of stolen items were... cash, jewelry, watches, shoes, and handbags . The three female burglars were caught on home security cameras .  L.A. Police Detectives said the suspects bore an uncanny resemblance to LaToya Jackson , Winona Ryder , and Lindsay Lohan herself ( the apparent ringleader ).

A dearful LaToya told two British newspapers today she believes her brother Michael was murdered by someone who stood to gain by his demise . She also went on to say that over Two Million Dollars worth of cash and jewelry were missing from the Jackson mansion . The L.A. police have only a few CLUE's to go by . 1) Was it father Joe Jackson in the Study with a Pipe ?  2) Or was it Miko Brando in the Kitchen with Dagger ? 3)  Maybe Lindsay Lohan in the Billiard Room with a Gun ? 4) Could be Debbie Rowe in the Conservatory with a Wrench ?  5) Perhaps it might be  LaToya in the Library with a Candelabra ?  6) How about Jack Gordon, LaToya's ex husband ,with a Rope in the Dining Room ?  7)  Can't rule out dermatologist Dr. Arnold Klein with OxyContin and Demerol in the Lounge ?  8)  Quite possibly, cardiologist Dr. Conrad Murray with an Intravenous of Diprivan in the Bedroom ? ........    A very angry Jack Gordon from his grave lashed back at the police saying,   " Leave me the hell alone , I've been dead and buried for over four years now ! " .........................................................................................(kascha & whitney )  

A meaner, tougher, and much more dominant Ann Robinson will be getting her old show back next season .  Scatter-brained, self indulgent,  lady celebrity contestants will be competing in this updated version of " The Weakest Link  " . The opening show will include : Jessica Simpson , La Toya Jackson , Britney Spears , Lindsay Lohan , Mariah Carey , Sarah Palin , Vanna White , Paris Hilton , Beyonce Knowles , and Kendra Wilkinson .  Originally the show was to run for only 30 minutes but Robinson was able to convince the producer she needed at least one hour .   " These 10 Frivolous and Vacuous Tarts are incredibly stupid .  I am going to have to repeat each question at least a half dozen times and kick a few butts before i get any responce . "  Robinson said ................  Tom Cruise and Joe Biden will headline the all male sequel .......................................................................................(kascha-whitney) 

President Obama " stupidly " met with his panel of celebrity experts on ways to bring the price of unlicensed medicines down .  The group included Whitney Houston, Bobby Brown, Lindsay Lohan, Mike Tyson, Naomi Campbell, Gary Busey, Kate Moss, and former D.C. Mayor Marion Barry . The meeting ended abruptly after a wild-eyed, lust-filled Tyson tore off terrified Kate Moss's blouse and bra , and frustrated, manic-depressed Naomi bounced her iPhone off the head of Gary Busey .  Bobby Brown found it necessay to give wife Whitney a few much needed bitch-slaps .  During all the chaos and mayhem, Lindsay Lohan did get the chance to sample some of Crackhead Barry's latest stash !

Madame Tussaud's Wax Museum has opened a new exhibit featuring wax figures of Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan, and Britney Spears.  The exhibit is called "House of Whore-ers." 

Lindsay Lohan got embarrassingly bad reviews for some fashion show consulting that she just did in Paris.  This is a new low for Lindsay...a wardrobe malfunction without even showing any of her own skin!