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 Dear Star Savior,
Hi. I’m Lindsay Lohan. I went to rehab a few times last year, and I’ve really been trying to stay away from drinking. But I’ve kind of fallen off the wagon. I drank some champagne from a bottle at a New Year’s Eve party, and I drank Grey Goose vodka from a bottle Friday night and had some vodka cocktails at another club. And I was videotaped and seen by reporters. What should I do?
Dear Lindsay,
The quick fix is for you to start doing your drinking at home, away from judging eyes and cameras. What you lose in social surroundings, you can make up for in sheer drinking volume. It’ll pay for itself after your first blackout. As the saying goes, when a drunk passes out and no one’s around, it never happened. If you’re still not sold on drinking at home, remember this: There’s no last call at home. The floor’s the limit.
The Star Savior
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 This is a parody song to the tune of that 80's hit, 'Bette Davis Eyes'
Her hair is often red
She hails from old L-I
But she may end up dead
Lindsay's got more D-U-I's
She snorts some coke and drinks booze
And then she likes to drive
She's always in the news
Lindsay's got more D-U-I's
Was a 'Mean Girl'
And a clean girl
But now she's a rehab scene girl
Gets arrested and then gets
More blood levels tested
At 21 it's no surprise
Lindsay's got more D-U-I's
Now a grown-up, she still throws up
In the back seat of her friend's truck
Found unconcious, yet she knows just
How to not become obnoxious
She can still turn on the guys
Even with her D-U-I's
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Lindsay Lohan, who just finished a second stint in rehab for substance abuse treatment, was arrested on suspicion of drunken driving and possession of cocaine early Tuesday, authorities said. Barrel. Fish. Gun. Pull trigger.
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 California’s 911 system is in trouble. They’re being swamped with multiple callers using cell phones to report the same accident.
So officials are now instructing people to designate just one person to call 911 when Lindsay crashes a car.
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In celebrity gossip, actress Lindsay Lohan is dating actor Jude Law and according to Lohan she is taking the relationship slow.
In fact on their first date, Lindsey said she waited until they got to the car before she took off all her clothes.
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 The movie ‘Superbad’ was number one at the box office over the weekend.
It’s a heart-warming tale about Lindsay Lohan’s driving record.
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Lindsay Lohan and Keira Knightley will join forces on the low budget independent film “The Best Time of Our Lives.” How was the film able to be produced at a low budget? - Because they didn’t have to provide any food.
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