The Kansas City Chiefs have suspended Larry Johnson for one game. Which he thinks is totally gay.
 

The Kansas City Chiefs will cut Larry Johnson's gay-slur suspension in half. But he can't giggle when the stadium announcer introduces Mike Cox and Lance Long.
 

Kansas City running back Larry Johnson has apologized for his off-the-field behavior towards women.  He has promised that from now on, the only C-word he’ll use is "Chiefs."

Plaxico now claims that he was in fact shooting at the Chiefs running back Larry Johnson who had just spit a drink in his face , But Pac Man Jones slapped the gun down at the last second.

Plaxico now claims that he was in fact shooting at Hines Ward  " Somebody gotta wipe that smile off his face "

Troubled running back Larry Johnson reportedly wants out of Kansas City. Looks like he's not crazy after all.

Larry Johnson says the Chiefs decision to release him has left him with a "bad taste in his mouth." Wow. It's like gay joke mad-libs.

The woman who Kansas City running back Larry Johnson assaulted said she has suffered extreme mental anguish. Mainly from having to watch the Chiefs.
 

CROP CIRCLES FOUND IN NBA CORNROWS, WORRYING LEAGUE OFFICIALS

NEW YORK. As preparations for the opening tipoff of a new basketball season enter the final stages, NBA officials are expressing concern over a threat to player safety that has emergeded in the past few days--crop circles in "corn rows", the hair style sported by many of the game's premier players.

Attempt at alien communication.

"We're taking this very seriously" said NBA Director of Security Chip Ahlberg. "We're not so great on players going into the stands and beating fans up, so it's good to have something else to focus on."

"You want an autograph?  I'll give you a freaking autograph!"

Crop circles are geometrical patterns that have appeared in cultivated fields around the world. While individuals have come forward and admitted to perpetrating a hoax with the formations, groups with a looser grasp on reality have nonetheless claimed that the circles are the work of extraterrestrials.

The website www.cropcircles.net asserts that crop circles are evidence that aliens want inhabitants of the planet Earth to form a single, one-world religion. "They think we spend too much money on bar mitzvahs and Christmas decorations," said the site's webmaster, Arnold Stang. "They also pick up radio signals of 'Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer', and it drives them nuts."

Aliens at work.

Kyle Korver of the Philadelphia 76ers was the first to notice a crop circle pattern in the cornrows of his teammate Allen Iverson during a game last spring. "I said 'Allen, what's up with the Navajo sun symbol in your braids, man?' He got all bent out of shape and didn't pass me ball for a week. Usually he lets me take at least one shot a game."

The Answer refuses to answer Korver's kwestion.

The last attempt by aliens to interfere with professional basketball came in 1996, when a group known as the Nerdlucks stole the talent of Charles Barkley, Patrick Ewing, Muggsy Bogues, Larry Johnson and Shawn Bradley in the movie "Space Jam."

"Psst--who invited Bradley?"

"We were profoundly shaken by that experience," said NBA Commissioner David Stern. "We're still asking ourselves--why would anyone want to steal Shawn Bradley's game?"

Copyright 2006, Con Chapman