Kim Jong Il has cancer. He will be succeeded by his oldest son, Kim Jong Healthy.

The United States State Dept. secretly worked out the ransom demands of  Kim Jong-IL for the release of Laura Ling and Euna Lee . The next 8 episodes of  " The Simple Life " will be filmed in North Korea . Highlights of some shows include, - Paris and Nicole help Reprocess nuclear fuel rods into enriched uranium ,  Assemble Taeodong-2 long range missles , Round-up many starving refugees fleeing into China , Learn how to make counterfeit $50 dollar bills with simple inkjet printers  , Unload unstable ammunition from ancient railway box cars , Patrol the DMZ with unfriendly boarder guards , Direct traffic in that nations capital's busiest streets  , Make a feeble attempt to sneak bombs aboard a South Korean airliner . The show's finale ends with the girls discovering Kim's gigantic porno stash and sex toy collection .  Nicole hands a very familiar looking dvd over to Hilton and shouts , " You're in this one too Paris ! "   Our Dear Leader's been a very naughty boy too, as Paris gets her last licks in,  "THAT'S HOT !   

A very angry and defiant Kim Jong IL lashed back at American media yesterday for spreading lies and anti North Korean propoganda . Kim went on National TV to address his tiny isolated country to call Laura Ling and Euna Lee  " Skill-full and dishonest liars of the worst kind ! "  Jong went on to say, Ms Ling and Ms Lee received V.I.P. treatment while guests in his wonder capital . " I gave those two broads first-class accommodations in the 5 star Pyongyang Hilton Hotel . I tell them , Please enjoy all hotel facilities, amenities, health club and gym, swimming pool , and naughty cable in room TV.  I also say, don't worry about bill . No charge for you, everything is comp. for you just like in Atlantic City casino hotel .  So you know what they do ?  Everyday they order meals from room service and make my hotel staff go crazy . They order Rock Lobster, Stone Crab, CherryStone Clam, Rock Cornish Hen, Sand Shark, Sandwich, Chicken Nugget, Marble Cake, Stone Ground Bread, Fruity Peddles, and even Rock Candy !  My girls who work in hotel restaurant not understand English well like me . Maybe they think Ling & Lee eat stone and gravel in America ?  Maybe someone make honest mistake and put tiny rock in her rice by accident ?  Next time I not be Mr. Nice-Guy to troublemaker Al Gore's trespassing reporter friends ! "          .............................................( kascha whitney)  

North Korean dictator Kim Jong Il declines Bill Clinton's offer to swap Hillary Clinton for two imprisoned journalists but accepts trade for Monica Lewinsky and a box of Cuban cigars. "I may be Kim Jong Il but I'm not Kim Jong Stupid," he says.

How do you sink a North Korean battleship ?  Put it in water ! ****   Kim Jong Il likes to boast his army has over 30,000 septic Tanks .  *** Dear Leader Kim loves to play Bingo every night . But when the number caller yells out  "B-52" , he runs for the air raid shelter .

The current South Korean president met with six senior North Korean officials this week delivering a message from North Korean leader Kim Jong-il, saying that they hoped to ease bilateral problems between the two countries.  The officials then proceeded to raid their hotel's "All you can eat breakfast buffet"and in room mini-fridges, and left the country with suitcases of hotel towels and bath soaps.

North Korea's President, Kim Jong il, has apologized to Cuba's Fidel Castro for a test missile that went astray and blew up Havana's largest Used '55 Caddy dealership, including its important parts department. The missile had been intended to hit a Hyundai dealership in Newark, New Jersey!

This week former President Bill Clinton helped in the releasement of two captured female American journalists who were led captive in north Korea. it was reported that Bill Clinton stunk a deal with north Korean's President Kim Jong-il to release the two female journalists.

Hell yeah, Bill Clinton stunk a deal! I think Bill helped in the releasement 'cause he wanted to get some action........ it's obvious, he can't get any play here in the states because everybody remembers . I was in the first grade when he had the affair and even I still remember. So, Bill thought he could try his luck in north Korea. I don't think, he knew that he was going to bring all this press attention. that's why Bill Clinton was not smalling in the pic with North Korea's President Kim john ill. He was upset. He totally thought he was going to get layed right then and there!

Two U.S. journalists, who had been detained by North Korea, were traveling back to the United States, with former President Clinton, hours after being pardoned by North Korean Leader Kim Jong Il.

Heading home, in the company of TWO women, is just another example of Bill succeeding where Hillary has failed – but not for lack of trying!