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LONDON (Reuters) - A man who "returned from the dead" after apparently being lost at sea in a canoeing accident five years ago was charged by police on Saturday with obtaining money by deception and making a false declaration to get a passport.
Also being charged with obtaining money by deception and attempting to return from the dead are comedian Pauly Shore, singer Janet Jackson, and actor Ben Affleck.
Dictator Francisco Franco, however, is still dead.
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Dear Neighbor: Ok, I don't know which one of you it is, but I have been stealing your WiFi for the last couple of months, and I would like to say that I think it's very selfish and unneighborly for you have secured your router. That hurts!
I was in the middle of downloading a great video last night, Janet Jackson nude sunbathing, and just as it starts to get good, BAM! No connection? I refreshed my available connections and I see, SECURE? I tell you, that's rude! I had to whipe off, go to Walgreens, and buy one of those 300 foot phone cords just to finish my night. Fortunately I had my uncle's AOL password.
Do you know how much it sucks to download for 37 mins only to view a 1 minuet and 37 second video. IT SUCKS! IT SUCKS BIG TIME! And now, how is my son going to go to Disney.com? Now I have to entertain that little fucker all day! YOU REALLY SUCK!
I thought that the blower was the end to being neighborly, you know after you cut your grass and simply blow your shit all over your neighbor's yard, and then he cuts his grass and blows your shit and his shit into his neighbor's yard and finally the poor bastard who doesn't have a blower has to pick up the entire neighborhood's shit! Well this tops that! If you're going to have a wireless router, secure it from the start!
Thanks for fucking me,
Your Neighbor
P.S. Do you think I could hook a splitter up to your cable?
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For each pair of Google searches, choose the one that returns the greater number of search results.* 1) a. "anal fissures" b. "vaginal itching" 2) a. "Blacks are stupid" b. "Jews control the media" 3) a. "Paris Hilton" & "dumb ass" b. "Paris Hilton" & "skank" 4) a. "dirty Sanchez" b. "rusty trombone" 5) a. "hot Asian teens" b. "fat girls naked" 6) a. "Janet Reno is sexy" b. "Rosie O'Donnell is sexy" 7) a. "Michael Jackson" & "pedophile" b. "Whitney Houston" & "crackhead" *search results as of August 20, 2006, 2:35 EDT answers: 1)a 2)b 3)b 4)a 5)b 6)a 7)a
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A federal appeals court has thrown out a $550,000 indecency fine against CBS for the 2004 Super Bowl halftime show that ended with Janet Jackson's wardrobe malfunction. However, the network still might be sued for continually airing The New Adventures of Old Christine.
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"Saturday Night Live" has replaced a flu-ridden Janet Jackson with another diva: Mariah Carey. Carey, 37, will fill in for Jackson on the March 15 "SNL" telecast, NBC announced Wednesday. This helps maintain their 'one washed-up singer' quota.
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Janet Jackson has dropped out of her upcoming "Saturday Night Live" performance because she has the flu, the singer's representative said Tuesday. NBC executives expect a ratings spike.
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