Dear Star Savior,

Hi. It's Playboy magazine publisher Hugh Hefner. One of my three girlfriends has decided to stop seeing me. I saw this coming after I told her that I don't want to be married and have children. She's still here in the Playboy Mansion, but she says it's over, so I guess it's over. What do you think I should do?


Dear Hugh,

You are absolutely right. When she says it's over, it's over, and there is nothing to keep her from leaving. But there should be. Nothing keeps a relationship going like shackles. I promise: She won't ever leave you if she can't.

You need to make a grand romantic gesture to keep her from leaving you, and the best way to say “don’t leave me” is to chain her to a radiator. That's right: Imprisonment can be romantic.

Keeping her as a captive girlfriend instead of a wife guarantees that she won’t go anywhere. If she runs away from your marriage, she gets half of your money. If she tries to run away while she’s chained up, she gets half of her leg.

A relationship with a hostage has plenty of challenges -- mostly for her. So you really have to let her know what she means to you. And don't save it for special days. She might not survive.

Let her know that money is no object, even though she is. Start by chaining her up with designer high-end shackles. It turns out that shackles have gotten a lot nicer since slavery.

For a small treat every few days, let her stand up. Every now and then, surprise her with breakfast in bed -- actually, breakfast on the radiator she's chained to. Try leaving a trail of rose petals leading to her bathroom bucket.

For a special romantic night, take her on a trip down to the basement for dinner under the bare light bulb. But don't worry about finding her favorite wine. After she's been chained up for a while, she'll love any fluid that she didn't produce.

The Star Savior

Kendra Wilkinson, playboy bunny, and ex-girlfriend to Hugh Hefner, is pregnant.

She's delighted by the news, and says she already has a head-start parenting, dating back to when she changed the diapers of Hugh Hefner. 

Archaeologists unearthed a stone tablet that was the very first Playboy published by Hugh Hefner.

Citing irreconcilable differences, Hugh Hefner filed papers last week seeking to end his marriage to former Playboy Playmate Kimberley Conrad. According to court documents, the 83-year-old Hefner has assets of more than $43 million and spends about $43,000 a month on food, entertainment and a Viagra IV.

The three former dumb blonde stars of  Hugh Hefner's " Girls Next Door " are so stupid . Kendra said she once studied all night for a blood test .  Holly admitted she brought all her cosmetics to school for a Make up test . And Bridget still believes her breast implants were manufactered in Silicon Valley !

Ex Hugh Hefner girlfriend and current reality show star Kendra Wilkinson is pregnant with fiancee Philadelphia Eagle Hank Baskett's baby. According to the 23 year-old blonde star of "Kendra", "Hank and I are thrilled that we are expecting our only child together.......I mean first child together".

www.jerrywolski.com

The 'Girls Next Door' star has left the Playboy mansion -- the last girl from the series to breakup with Playboy founder Hugh Hefner.

 "This all has nothing to do with my feelings for Hef. I care about him very much," Marquardt says.

When asked about the break up the 82 year old Hugh Hefner replied, "You broads get off my damn lawn!"

A student who is auctioning her virginity to pay for a masters degree in Family and Marriage therapy has seen bidding hit £2.5million ($3.7m).

The only customer she'll get for Family and Marriage therapy will be Hugh Hefner. 

Playboy Magazine in an effort to boost sales has begun pursuing celebrity centerfolds.

November features Marge Simpson as a cover girl.

Apparently Hugh Hefner in his senility didn't realize that she's not  a real girl.

Look for upcoming issues to include...

Betty & Veronica, The Girls of Scooby Doo, and Bugs Bunny dressed as a girl bunny.