Saudi Arabian Prince Bandar bin Sultan bin Abdul Aziz is selling his lavish Aspen ranch—asking price—$135 million.

In a statement made through his real-estate agent, overly perky Gail Stevens—a statement that could barely be heard over her Century 21 jacket, "Bandar is selling because he’s spending too much time in Saudi Arabia, furiously masturbating to the astronomical price of oil."

Dick Cheney's myspace page lists his mood as pirate. 

At the Annual 'Pimps-Working Girls Convention' in Las Vegas last week the Guest Speaker at The Awards Dinner was former New York Governor, Eliot Spitzer. He quickly annouced a year-long 40% reduction in the John's price of single service and 50% for half and half. Said Spitzer, "This pork surely beats any Obama pork!"

Attorney General Michael Mukasey collasped falling faster than the price of gas, looked like he had a shortage of breath.  it`s down to 50 oh my god how much? 

Exxon Mobil reported a profit of $45.2 billion for 2008. While gasoline prices are down, there’s been a huge upsurge in the demand for the petroleum product used in Pork with Snow Peas at your local Chinese buffet. 

In an effort to lower gas prices by expanding domestic oil production, the U.S. government is selling offshore drilling rights. Last Wednesday, oil companies purchased the rights to 1.8 million acres in federal waters off Texas for $607 million......or as they like to call it, two days of profit. 

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