He'll be picking up white trash along Florida's coastline. 

A Florida man has been arrested for repeatedly making sexual comments to a 911 dispatcher. Joshua Basso claims it was the only number he could dial after his cell phone ran out of minutes. No word on if he was calling "hands free" or not. 

www.jerrywolski.com

...after widespread corruption and voter fraud were found in Afghanistan's recent presidential election, the United States has sent over a delegation from the Florida Board of Elections to do another recount and certify a winner.  The challenger Abdullah Abdullah has quit the race in protest.  The recount was completed, and George Bush has been declared the winner.  

A Florida couple is in the news for getting married in a Wal-Mart where they met. ***MARLAR: When you get such a great markdown on spouses, you gotta jump on it!

Sam Bradford said his decision to forgo his senior season was hardest thing he's ever had to do. Just wait until he has to sign a contract with the Buccaneers.
 

Miami believes it's found a way to lure LeBron James and Chris Bosh to the Heat. It's called "a miracle."

Coincidentally, 950 is also the average number of tries for a typical Florida driver.

The New Orleans Saints and the Indianapolis Colts are still undefeated. They join Florida and Alabama as the last professional unbeatens.

Somali pirates must be licking their lips the same way Kirstie Alley would for the world's largest cupcake. 

Isiah Thomas lost his coaching debut at Florida International. So we don't have anything new to report.

In Southwest Ranches, Florida, Rob Falk must really love his pig. Town officials ordered him to get rid of his 300-pound Yorkshire pet pig named Strawberry, but Falk says he'd rather leave town than give up the animal. City Council members cited Falk's landlord for a code violation in July. Last week, officials gave Falk 30 days to remove Strawberry from the home, saying that the town allows only one Vietnamese pot bellied pig per household. Officials are also worried that the pig will get bigger and grow large tusks. Falk says his family will move because "the pig is like one of our children."  ***MARLAR: Oh yeah... Rob’s children have also been banned from town.