And immediately announced they were moving him to wide receiver.  

Unemployment is now 10.2 percent. How bad is the economy? The economy is so bad that Archie is pimping Betty AND Veronica. The economy is so bad that people are using the DMV as a portrait studio. The economy is so bad the former Miss USA, Carrie Prejean, had to pawn her implants. The economy is so bad, Donald Trump had to fire himself. The economy is so bad, the Three Little Pigs can't afford to get swine flu. The economy is so bad, the GEICO caveman ate the GEICO Gecko. The economy is so bad, Madonna adopted a baby from Detroit.

The Detroit News reported Saturday that 17 year-old Willis Chen, a senior at Canton High School, received perfect scores on the ACT, the SAT and the PSAT. ACT Inc. spokeswoman Mary Owens says it’s “quite an accomplishment.” The College Board, which administers the SAT and PSAT, says it doesn’t track whether anyone has scored perfectly on both tests. Willis celebrated another outstanding achievement, 17 years and he’s never had a date.

An industrial fire is sending thick, black smoke into the air southwest of Detroit. The city has never smelled so good.

The debate for instant replay in baseball is heating up. Except in Detroit, where Tigers fans would rather not relive what happened this year.

News that the WNBA's Detroit Shock is moving to Tulsa, Oklahoma after 11 years has been leaked by a team official speaking on the condition of anonymity. No doubt the same anonymity plaguing the team and forcing the move.

www.jerrywolski.com

Matthew Stafford is expected to miss the Detroit Lions next game. Not because he's injured, but because he has better things to do.

If you love someone, set her free. And if you can’t, call the police. The Detroit Free Press reports police in suburban Detroit responded to a call Thursday by a man who handcuffed a woman to a bed but misplaced the key. Dearborn police used a universal key to free the woman. It wasn’t the first time the police had been called to this house and Kid Rock’s publicist had no comment.

Police in Indiana say a woman set fire to her ex-boyfriend’s clothing at a self-storage center and caused more than 100,000 dollars in damage. Donna J. Duell was arrested in connection with the fire Wednesday night. Duell told officers she did save one piece of clothing from the inferno. As she stated, I can’t think of anything worse than having to wear the only piece of clothing left, a Detroit Lions football jersey.

I wonder if Native Americans celebrate Columbus day...It'd be like Detroit celebrating slavery.

There was a sign in the road that said no "U" turns, too bad it left out the cursive "V" turn....or upside down “n” turn......I think I'll take the cursive "V".

I know a genius....to bad he's retarded. 

When I was a kid, soccer was my anti drug, now that i'm all grown up, marijuana is my gateway drug. 

Cocaine is just sugar all grown up....Have you ever had the all grown up frosted flakes? ...............THEY'RRRRRRRRRRRREE... addictive

My girlfriend is so clingy and obsessed, i have a better chance getting rid of herpes than her.

Flies are like the herpes of insects, you can get rid of them for a while, but they always come back...ant's are like crabs....fucking everywhere.

Edible underwear are just fruit roll ups tied into a pretzel.

I'm pretty sure i'm good at drinking....but i don't remember.

I got a golden glove, not in baseball, in boxing....I always caught a good punch...with my face

I hate male porn stars, they make me feel shitty about myself.... and last time i tried to choke a girl like they do, she just kicked the shit out of me.

I tried hard in school....until the second day came.

Guys, I figured out what turns a girl on, the power button.

I'm good at sex, I've gotten every girl I've had sex with to scream “Get Off!!!” interpret that anyway you please.

My mind sucks at wandering....it always gets stuck in the gutter

I live life in the fast lane....of a traffic jam.

(talking to the crowd)Over the years, i've realized i'm a lot funnier the drunker you are......to an extent.

I approach every math problem with the same thing... a blank stare

I was late for work the other day, and my boss asked me why i was late, so i told him i got lost....He asked where....

I don't think prostitutes ever got the bird and the bees talk.

People say God is flawless...Have you ever seen the people from Kentucky??? The big guy forgot to double check that one.

If Jesus was the greatest man to walk the earth, can I be the second best?

I don't think Hitler was loved enough as a child.

Detroit Lions QB Matthew Stafford is expected to miss the next game. Well, he won't be there, but he won't miss it either.