Police are confused, since men are usually told they can just come in anytime.

A man enraged by a noisy family sitting near him in a movie theatre shot the father of the family in the arm, police said. James Joseph Cialella of Philadelphia faces six charges that include attempted murder and aggravated assault. Upon hearing this, United Artist Theaters has announced a new policy. Customers are encouraged to bring firearms to the movie theater and shoot the first person that answers their cell phone during the movie.

The entire police force in the town of Budaörs, Hungary, quit after winning more than $16 million in the lottery. The group of 15 officers presented their lottery ticket and quit on the spot. Each of the winners will receive a little more than $1.1 million in winnings. Police chiefs have culled together back-up units to serve the region until more full-time officers can be recruited.  ***MARLAR: “To protect and to serve”... unless I no longer need the cash.

An Ohio man dressed as a Breathalyzer test for Halloween found himself blowing into one after police stopped him for allegedly driving the wrong way without headlights on a one-way street. A similar incident happened to a man who was dressed up as a penis.

Anthony Sowell was arrested after police say he raped, killed, and stored several bodies inside his Cleveland home over the course of several years.. One detective commented on how this case mimics others that have terrorized the city recently...  "For example: turn on your TV and watch a Browns game.. They get slaughtered every weekend and there's nothing we can do about it."

We know that drinking and driving is a big problem, but what about eating and driving? A man in New Zealand was stopped by the police for driving erratically along a busy road. It turns out that he was attempting to drive and eat Chinese food. With chopsticks in both hands, he was using his knees to steer the car! This type of behavior might not be so uncommon. A new survey says that 8 out of 10 drivers eat while behind the wheel. I do it every day on my way into work.  ***MARLAR: I heard this on the way into work this morning and almost dropped my bowl of Fruit Loops.

9-1-1 is closed -- "because everyone is at the doughnut shop." That's the bogus audio message an Easton, Pennsylvania, firefighter heard when he clicked a link on the city's Web site. City officials say the file was accidentally left on the site by a former fire chief, who was hired to improve Easton's Net offerings. The consultant thought the audio links didn't work and believed he had deleted them. The message has now been taken off-line. But firefighter Terrance Hand, who discovered the bogus doughnut shop message, says the city's firefighters and police officers deserve an apology.  ***MARLAR: Which they will receive once they return from Krispy Kreme.

Ticking someone off could get you a ticket in one Michigan City. The Brighton City Council on Thursday approved an ordinance allowing police in the Livingston County community to ticket and fine anyone who is annoying in public "by word of mouth, sign or motions.” The first people fined by the city council were the University of Michigan’s football team. As Brighton City Councilman Peter Murphy said, “They deserve it. I'm annoyed every time I watched them play.”

A 65-year-old Maine woman was jailed for allegedly assaulting a state trooper with a stun gun during an investigation into whether she was hoarding animals at her house. The woman pleaded not guilty to multiple charges Thursday in Superior Court in Farmington. The woman was under a court order barring her from keeping animals after nearly 70 animals were found at her home in 2004 and she was convicted of animal cruelty.  ***MARLAR: Apparently she still has that problem, because now she's electrocuting pigs.

An Arizona state official is learning there's no such thing as a private joke on MySpace. Dennis Seavers is the executive director of the state fingerprinting board. He posted in his online profile that he likes to indoctrinate kids in the "splendors of lawlessness." He says it was a joke for his friends only. Seavers' page also said he lived "a quiet daytime life as a state employee." But he is really interested in "wild debauchery" and "self-promotion and enrichment." Seavers says his MySpace profile is "exactly the opposite" of him as a person. He says he wouldn't have done it if he had known everyone could see his MySpace page. Some state legislators say they still have questions about the incident.  ***MARLAR: How can an Arizona state official working in a crime division not know that MySpace is open to the public?

10. You are sitting around when a girl you know is a real bitch comes up to you and says, “You look really put together. Like you aren’t on drugs today.” Your response, “Well, that’s normally the way I tolerate you. Too bad I don’t have that buffer today. Damn those twelve steps.”

9. You have been ranting and raving on the phone about a sucky day you are having when this woman, who is publically breast feeding and has her tits hanging out for all to see, tells you to be quiet because this language will corrupt her child. That’s when you hand the homeless crackhead ten bucks and tell him to grab her tits. That will put her in her place.

8. A rich snob that lives in your neighborhood is putting you and your buddies down again for hanging out on the stoop and laughing loudly. Tell the junkie ex-con who you know has committed a string of robberies in the neighborhood she has twenty bucks on her…..

7. Your roommate has a lady friend you can’t stand that is always making backhanded comments about how you dress when she is a bleach blonde with a bad die job. Casually mention your cousin is getting out of prison after twenty years because he strangled his girlfriend with her bra, stuffed her panties in her mouth, and dumped her body by the train tracks. Then tell he wants to come visit next week to see how much you have grown, and likes platinum blondes.

6. You know this girl who is always doing things for attention. Lately she is claiming a Jamaican guy sexually assaulted her just to see a guy infatuated with her beat someone up. Look at her pretending to be concerned and mention, “I know plenty of Jamaicans. And they never assault anyone with a flat chest. At least not as far as I know.”

5. You are at a gathering when a girl who is dressed like a treasure troll in drag continually makes jokes about you being a slut. Turn to her, smile, and say, “Why? Jealous I get some and you don’t. Im sure if you looked under the draw bridge your Froto would be there for you.”

4. A crazy girl who has been sending you nasty notes on myspace and making your life hell blogs about how she is a responsible mother and how people don’t understand how hard it is. Meanwhile the slut had the four kids to three guys at sixteen. You should comment on the blog, “Wow, must be hard work being a breeding lump. I mean , you lay down on your back a lot but still, gold star for a job shamelessly done.”

3. You recently got a promotion at your job and this girl who is clearly jealous of you is bad mouthing you saying she can’t believe you got it and she didn’t. That’s when you say, “You can’t believe it. Oh ye of little faith.”

2. You see a girl you went to high school with that is a total princess in every respect of the word. When she sees you after years of having not had contact, acts as if she is disgusted by your appearance. That’s when, as you calmly sip your coffee say, “By the way, I contracted Hep C not long ago. Want a sip?”

1. If any of these responses illicit a challenge for a cat fight by any of these party’s tell them you would fight except it is against your policy to assault the mentally handicapped. And then summon the nearest officer of the law when they are yelling and screaming and say you believe they wandered out of a group home and could he help them find their way back. And walk off into the sunset.