I guess this means Andy Rooney has better hearing than most dogs. 

Three Michelle Obama action figures are hitting the market. One will be wearing a purple dress, one a black and white dress, and one a red and black dress. Three David Letterman action figures are also being sold. They’re not of Dave, but one will be wearing a purple dress, one a black and white dress, and one a red and black dress…

David Letterman has three young and very attractive ladies working in his office . The Brunette said , " Look girls, I just found a box of condoms in Dave's desk ."  .... The Redhead replied , " Yeah I know, I punched holes in all of them last week ." ....  "  You Did What ? "  Screamed the Blonde just before she fainted . 

The Pittsburgh Steelers have a player on their team named Mike Wallace...Now I know what you're thinking... and NO, he's not the oldest player in the NFL.. but he does play a game that lasts "60 Minutes"..

The new offering for GPS devices is celebrity voices.  Just think....you can have Kayne West or David Letterman appologizing for not knowing a destination!  

On 60 minutes last week, grouchy old fart Andy Rooney said he received a letter from a friend he never heard of before . He was doing a bit about post office closings because of budget cuts . He went on to say how he would rather get a ton of junk mail than one email from a friend . I was wondering how many friends Andy has that would waste a 44 cent stamp on him ?

A high school in Michigan reported that one out of every 10 students who participated in STD test was found to have chlamydia....the only known place in the US where there is actually a higher risk of contracting Chlamydia is among staff members of The David Letterman Show.

show will now be titled, "After Dark with David Letterman" 

“Late Night with David Letterman” – the only talk show with a Green Room and what male employees called a "Green with Envy" Room!

Authorities locate Secret documents in a.k.a.. "The Bunker" vault, that reveal President Nixon and Ed Sullivan were brothers separated at birth and President Nixon had a fling with Howdie Doodies sister (Peg Leg gapa Tooth Jane) and conceived Letterman at "The Bunker."  In those days they called The Bunker "Lucky Strike."

"The Mentalist" is so perceptive he can tell the difference between Cate Blanchett, Kate Winslett and Kate Beckinsale.