Rapper 50 Cent is preparing to release his own brand of condoms.

Insiders expect high sales even in light of reports that each condom will have nine holes in them.

   Early in Bill Clinton's career--at a well-attended political rally--this young, attractive pregnant woman was brandishing a large sign, which read:  "CLINTON IS THE ONE!"

   When candidate Clinton spotted her, he quickly left Hillary's side and made his way through the crowd to ask the swollen, slightly startled supporter, "Madam, would you mind exchanging signs with someone?" 

Chinese police are looking for over two million defective condoms.

Lamar Odom says he wants to start having children with Khloe Kardashian right away. That way, their six-month marriage will still encompass most of the pregnancy.

   Former-Catholic abortionist to Buddhist priest:  "Master, now that I've converted to Buddhism--when I die--I'll simply reincarnate, and won't have to deal with that whole hell thing."

   Priest:  "Yes, doctor, that is true.  But, how can I put it?--you're not going to believe the fucking karma!" 

There was a robbery at a sperm bank recently.The crook got away with several million singles. 

   My wife, Margaret, was 8 1/2 months pregnant when our teenage son, Frankie, asked her a difficult moral question.

   Struggling to find the right words, Marge stammered, "You can't...you shouldn't.  I mean, it would be best if you didn't..."

   "Dad!" interrupted Frankie; addressing me, in the next room.  "Mom's having contractions!"  

Prego Italian sauce is coming out with a new product for pregnant women.It will have saucy nutrients and vitamins.So go out and buy some brand new Preggo! 

Barbara Walters asked Sarah Palin what her first reaction was after she learned her baby was going to be born with Down's syndrome .  Sarah replied,  " I told my husband Todd to switch babies with Bristol after she gave birth . Nobody would suspect anything 'cause Levi Johnston is the biggest retard in Alaska ."

Isn't it ironic that the same people who completely oppose abortion, wake up every morning and eat scrambled eggs? Well, I guess that's more hypocritical than ironic....  "Ya know, Jessica's going to hell for getting rid of that baby, however these half born chickens are DELICIOUS!" 

In Minneapolis, a linguist revealed that he only spoke Klingon to his son for the first 3 years of his life, prompting conservatives to hail this as more effective at stopping teen pregnancy than abstinence-only sex education.