Today, September 11th, America mourns the 5^th anniversary of the launch of Ann Coulter’s literary career.

-Sept. 11, 2006

A new calendar put out by the Clare Booth Luce Policy Institute features monthly pinups of "great conservative women" such as Ann Coulter and Laura Ingraham.

The subtitle of the calendar is, "Where erections go to die."

In Toyko, Stephen Hawking said that in order to survive, humanity must migrate to another star system. "It is important for the human race to spread out into space," he said, adding, "Except Ann Coulter. That bitch stays."

Ann Coulter visited her gynecologist, and after putting her in the stirrups, the doctor said, "My God, that is a big pussy. That is a big pussy."

Coulter said, "You don't have to say it twice."

The doctor said, "I didn't."

Ann Coulter Says, "Liberals Celebrate Abortion!"

Here is the full quote, right from page on of her official website. "Liberals don't care about women. They care about destroying human life. To them, 2,200 military deaths in the entire course of a war in Iraq is unconscionable, but 1.3 million aborted babies in America every year is something to celebrate. "

www.myspace.com/comedyretard

I am Jewish. I like being part of an ethnicity, religion and culture whose highest form of giving is to do so anonymously. But there are things we Jews have provided the world with which are unkosher.

1) ARI FLEISCHER, publicist, author and spin doctor

You served as President George Bush’s Press Secretary where your job was to spin the truth! It is not your fault that Bush gets so excited when he doesn’t make a grammatical mistake, that he forgets about ethical ones. But it doesn’t excuse your choosing to play his towel boy. Jewish Republicans, how are we related and yet have so little in common?

2) KENNY G., elevator musician

Israel could stick Hezbollah militia in a confined, windowless freight elevator and turn up Kenny G.

3) SHMULEY BOTEACH, rabbi, TV producer, actor and sycophant

“Rabbi” Shmuley Boteach wears religion on his sleeve and uses his rabbinical credentials to make a quick buck, be it off of Michael Jackson’s child molestation cases or Boteach’s new reality show “Shalom in the Home.” The author of Kosher Sex clearly was not the product of anything of the sort.

4) ALAN DERSHOWITZ, lawyer, professor, and nudist.

Every year, Allen Dershowitz lounges in his birthday suit on Lucy Vincent beach in Martha’s Vineyard, where, coincidentally, most of the wealthy beach goers wear bathing suits. Perhaps at Harvard, Dershowitz feesl naked in the eyes of actual intellectuals who scoff at his airport books full of flimsy “facts,” but Dershowitz doesn’t need to then expose himself to innocent, limousine liberals. At least, sir, cross your legs.

5) JOHN STOSSEL, author, news reporteresque and bully

Right wing and arrogant TV show hosts who purport to tell objective news but have their own political agenda are never in short supply. Stossell is not unique in blaming the victims, be it of rape and racism and then igniting wrath in those he interviews. His best selling book of propoganda is sure to please the same readers who can’t get enough of Anne Coulter, Bill O’Reilly and other “thinkers.” What would it mean to do unto him as he has done onto others? Perhaps, Stossell can go up against a Smith college rugby team, where gay feminists can tear him a new one.

6) TORI SPELLING, Woman living off of a trust fund, reality TV show star and gossip for a slow news day.

Just as a botched nose job sucks, so do mediocre careers! You are a wealthy and healthy young woman who can quit your “acting” gig. Saying no to the 18th bad TV movie and walking away from your self indulgent reality show will be a gift both to yourself and audiences.

7) WOODY ALLEN, comic genius, writer, director, father and brother-in-law to biological son as well as son-in-law to ex-wfe.

Woody Allen is as great a comedian as it gets, but that doesn’t mean everything Mr. Allen does is pure genius. Bad writing is bad writing. When it comes from someone who has written brilliant stand up, books, films and satire, it is even more painful to read shlock. So the fact that his pieces in The New Yorker are, at best, incomprehensible means that both the magazine and Mr. Allen may want to think of editing. Impulse control is not a bad thing, even if it means not publishing crap, shtupping your daughter etc.

8) JOE LIEBERMAN, politician, centrist, and Jew

It is okay to run as an independent, but not okay to support the current administration. Not because they are Republicans but because they are corrupt.

9) RON SCHEINDER, douchebag

The “actor” took out an advertisement in the trades condemning Mel Gibson, saying he would never work with the guy. While I salute anyone who chooses not to work with Mel Gibson as a a political stand, was it ever really an issue? I mean was Mel just praying he could work with Schneider? How about taking out an advertisment promising not to make any more awful movies.

10) JEWS for JESUS, unemployed and underemployed.

Jews for Jesus. Newsflash: Jews really wish Jesus had kept his day job and now we are skeptical about whether Jews for Jesus can (and should) secure jobs.

PS- My apologies to those who did not make the cut, such as: the father in Capturing the Friedmans who molested his children and their friends; Lizzie Grubman (who ran over poor(er) people because they are poor; and Maury Pauvich, who is his own worst enemy (although Connie Chung's musical theater does not help and nor does philandering with half your production staff.....) Yes, you deserve to be on this list, perhaps more than those who made it, but like life, lists of dubious characters can be unfair.

Ann Coulter has a new book out. It's called "Godless: the church of liberalism." Recent controversy around the book has propelled it to number one on the bestseller list. That's why I plan to title my next book, "Kittens for Breakfast, and other delicious recipes from the conservative kitchen."

The San Francisco Zoo has just named a horse in their petting zoo, Coulter. Zoo officials say that they didn't name the horse Coulter because the conservative tranny's uncanny resemblance to the equine, but because the horse was an unrully bitch who hates blacks and gays.