Baghdad's power grid too spotty to use electric chair.

"He made us run more gassers than the infidel players," said third-year defensive back Salim Cooper.

As American contractors prepare to leave, a U.S. Inspector General reports that the reconstruction of Iraq has been riddled with waste, fraud and abuse.

On a positive note, with only eight hours of electricity daily, many Baghdad residents won't receive the news.

The U.S. military is now taking recruits up to age 42. The Pentagon believes it can minimize inappropriate contact between the sexes in the service by adding a large group of men with E.D.

But since they were using Radio Shack computers, most didn't receive notice and continued working.

Rumsfeld, Cheney frantically search for receipt.

Former wrestling coach thought congressman was teaching the boys some new holds.

Title: "Waiting in Line to Buy PlayStation."

--As punishment for their depravity, they have to hold up American flag backdrop for hours.