A group of Middle Eastern immigrants has sued the federal government, claiming their citizenship applications were intentionally slowed by agents.

Don't they know that waiting in line for government services without cause is the surest sign that they're already Americans?

Ann Coulter has a new book out. It's called "Godless: the church of liberalism." Recent controversy around the book has propelled it to number one on the bestseller list. That's why I plan to title my next book, "Kittens for Breakfast, and other delicious recipes from the conservative kitchen."

A study finds that one in four Southern states' residents will ignore government evacuation orders. The top reasons given:

1) They believed their houses were well-built.
2) The roads would be too crowded.
3) They planned to steal their neighbor's shit.