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Did you know?
We now allow guest commenting and rating on all our jokes and comedy videos! No need to register, just comment and rate. Go ahead... knock yourself out! Underneath each joke and video you can click on comments to read and post, and click on a star ( ) to rate.
  
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Marcus Howard
"I've stolen 1,000 identities today! E-mail me to find out how!"
Studio City, CA
      
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I'm a proofreader and comedy writer, but what I really want to do is nothing.
Check out the "Dear Star Savior" podcast and blog to witness some celebrity life-coaching.
Subscribe to "Dear Star Savior" on iTunes.
Go become my friend on MySpace. Then, go hunt me down on Facebook. Be my friend here, too. Think of it as a two-person three-way.
Stalk me on Twitter.
Check out my blog to see where my head is. It will sculpt your abs.
Send me e-mail at marcushoward1@hotmail.com. Stalkers and identity thieves, consider this your birthday present.
tony (Guest) says:
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funny stuff marcus !
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Tom Shillue says:
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good stuff Marcus- keep it up!
T
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Marcus Howard says:
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Thanks, bro. I'm just making my way into topical stuff, so it's good to see I haven't totally bombed.
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Ray Ellin says:
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congrats on having the LOL! great stuff-
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Joke List: Highest Rated (From All Time)
Show Me: Most Recent | Highest Rated | Most Views | Most Shared | Most Comments
From Each: Day | Week | 2 Weeks | Month | 3 Months | 6 Months | Year | All Time
An 18-year-old Texas man has been arrested and accused of killing a zebra in a drive-by shooting.
Depending on where the bullet hit the zebra, the man may be charged with a hate crime.
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 Health experts have reported that worsening air and water pollution and frequent use of food additives and pesticides made cancer the top killer in China last year.
Second on the list was being born a girl.
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 Dear Star Savior,
Hi. I’m Lindsay Lohan. I went to rehab a few times last year, and I’ve really been trying to stay away from drinking. But I’ve kind of fallen off the wagon. I drank some champagne from a bottle at a New Year’s Eve party, and I drank Grey Goose vodka from a bottle Friday night and had some vodka cocktails at another club. And I was videotaped and seen by reporters. What should I do?
Dear Lindsay,
The quick fix is for you to start doing your drinking at home, away from judging eyes and cameras. What you lose in social surroundings, you can make up for in sheer drinking volume. It’ll pay for itself after your first blackout. As the saying goes, when a drunk passes out and no one’s around, it never happened. If you’re still not sold on drinking at home, remember this: There’s no last call at home. The floor’s the limit.
The Star Savior
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An American hiker stranded in the Bavarian Alps was rescued after getting lumberjacks’ attention by signaling them using her sports bra.
The men rescued her from a ledge after asking her to jump — in place.
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Sorenson Genomics has released a kit that allows people to conduct paternity tests at home by swabbing the cheeks of the child and the presumed father.
The paternity test works best on men who don't screen their calls.
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After train inspectors asked to see his ticket, a Russian man blew himself up with a hand grenade inside a train he had been asked to leave.
He later was removed from the train with a hose.
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 According to research findings presented Monday, infection with a common virus may contribute to the development of obesity.
Scientists said the virus usually is transmitted by forks.
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 Dear Star Savior,
Hi. It's Playboy magazine publisher Hugh Hefner. One of my three girlfriends has decided to stop seeing me. I saw this coming after I told her that I don't want to be married and have children. She's still here in the Playboy Mansion, but she says it's over, so I guess it's over. What do you think I should do?
Dear Hugh,
You are absolutely right. When she says it's over, it's over, and there is nothing to keep her from leaving. But there should be. Nothing keeps a relationship going like shackles. I promise: She won't ever leave you if she can't.
You need to make a grand romantic gesture to keep her from leaving you, and the best way to say “don’t leave me” is to chain her to a radiator. That's right: Imprisonment can be romantic.
Keeping her as a captive girlfriend instead of a wife guarantees that she won’t go anywhere. If she runs away from your marriage, she gets half of your money. If she tries to run away while she’s chained up, she gets half of her leg.
A relationship with a hostage has plenty of challenges -- mostly for her. So you really have to let her know what she means to you. And don't save it for special days. She might not survive.
Let her know that money is no object, even though she is. Start by chaining her up with designer high-end shackles. It turns out that shackles have gotten a lot nicer since slavery.
For a small treat every few days, let her stand up. Every now and then, surprise her with breakfast in bed -- actually, breakfast on the radiator she's chained to. Try leaving a trail of rose petals leading to her bathroom bucket.
For a special romantic night, take her on a trip down to the basement for dinner under the bare light bulb. But don't worry about finding her favorite wine. After she's been chained up for a while, she'll love any fluid that she didn't produce.
The Star Savior
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Copyright 2006-2008 © International Mining and Steel, Inc.
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