FOUNTAIN VALLEY, Calif. - Workers at Angiano's gourmet chocolate company, Bodega Chocolates, discovered under a vat, a 2-inch-tall column of chocolate drippings that they believe bears a striking resemblance to the Virgin Mary.

This brings up the age old question: The Virgin Mary: dead religious figure, master illusionist or yummy confection?

This Virgin Mary loves surprise appearances! She’ll show up anywhere—a pizza pie, a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, a rock formation, moldy cheese, and don’t ever let her get near a scented candle. Your candle starts dripping and heeeerre’s Mary! I’m surprised she hasn’t hosted "The Tonight Show" by now.

Is the human race so desperate for a religious sign that we should look for it in dessert? Since the discovery on Monday, Angiano's employees have spent much of their time hovering over the tiny figure, praying and placing rose petals and candles around it. Um... shouldn’t they be putting her in the fridge? Hell hath no fury like a religious woman melted.

I’d love to be hanging around management’s office as they try and figure out how to get their employees to stop worshiping a Raisinette and get back to work. I bet you that there’s one guy so zealous he’s whispering to himself, "I’m gonna eat her! I’m gonna eat the Virgin Mary! Then God will literally be inside me."

On a related note, I had chicken wings last night and a strawberry shake. I’m pretty sure the devil is inside me! TVM, where are you? I need you to appear in my colon! I’d better go find a Pepto Bismol tablet shaped as the baby Jesus on Ebay to help me through this time of religious crisis. Oh God, my stomach hurts.

I have to go now, in an explosively figurative way. Pray for me everyone.

Next week, aliens from other planets: pure science fiction or comedy club owners?

Junk mail has really gotten out of hand in the holiday season. Not only do I throw away enough catalogs that probably were made using enough natural resources that would make Al Gore cry, but now families send me their yearly wrap up review in a letter! This is SUCH is woman thing. Oh I’m sexist? Then why do all of the guy spouses call and apologize for sending it?

            Fine you want a yearly review – here’s mine.

Dear everyone who is really bored and slightly nosey,

            Another awesome year for Lenny Marcus kids. Lets see. ’06 started with a surprise right away - In January Lenny got his first hemorrhoid! Wow, that was a surprise! He thought he was dying. I mean it’s not every day you think a little man is growing out of your ass, no matter how many horror films you watch. Then in February Lenny had a date. I know crazy! Then in March, Lenny performed at the Aspen comedy festival. Memories include: Having great sets and nobody caring, a twenty seven hour trip back to New York, and a lot of snow. One of the heads of the festival did send me a fleece jacket though – SWEET! Could have used it when I was sleeping on the floor in the airport due to a blizzard the day I left after missing the last connecting flight out of Denver. Thanks United Airlines! In April Lenny went to Opening Day at Yankees stadium. He also decided not to observe Passover for the first time ever as the Matzoh bread will prevent proper bowel movements until June. The summer was awesome. Lenny had a great start to the softball season and the Gotham Monday team excelled to a 8-2 start. Then Lenny hurt his groin and cried after every game for a month. Lenny began writing and shooting films for Daily Comedy.com that nobody ever reads or watches. Lenny’s bitcom, Superstar Talent has been seen by over 3 people, and is a big hit with his sister! Fall, as always, is Lenny’s busy season – it began with the Yankees choking and ends with the Giants sucking. Highlights for the year include: He performed on 300+ shows and nobody knows who he is, another Letterman audition (getting closer stop asking), and he only paid $9 on his federal tax return.

            Lenny wishes you all joy and happiness (except Mel Gibson).

Happy Holidays everyone.

The Daily Comedy Staff Comics at site launch - August 1, 2006