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Ricardo Aleman
Ricardo Aleman
"I'm not trying to become famous.. I'm just trying to have a good time."

Hoboken, NJ

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Biography
No matter where you are in your career, there a people that think you stink, and people that think you're amazing'. And they are both overreacting... as you become more famous... Both groups... the people that think you stink, and the people that think you're amazing... get bigger, and there's nothing you can do about it.

I was born in New Jersey. I dont speak Spanish. I dont even tan well... but I swear I'm Mexican... otherwise I wouldnt be allowed to own FunnyMexican.com

Sherry Stearn says:

Hysterical as ususal....keep the jokes coming! (:

Josh Filipowski says:

dude- we need some Super Mario brick options!!

Thanks, Post Production Supervisor!

Scot Marinick says:

Hey Ricardo. Thanks for the comment, that would have clenched the Joke. We learn from each other. Good One! Scot

Ray Ellin says:

wassup 90 second man
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Ricardo Aleman
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UN Report: Human Cloning Ban Needed

By: Ricardo Aleman (C)
Submitted: Nov 13, 2007
Category: News  
From Hot Topic

Marriage

1323 Jokes  27 Videos

UN Report: Human Cloning Ban NeededVia AP news

The international community faces a stark choice: outlaw human cloning or prepare for the creation of cloned humans, U.N. researchers said Saturday.

----------------------------------------

Well, I say clone it up! I'd love to have another me around to do all my grunt work... cook... clean... do the dishes. It's like having all the benefits of being married without only being allowed to sleep with the same person for the rest of you life. Who doesnt want that?

Clone: "Why do I have to be the one to do all the work?"

Me: "Cause we cant both be lazy... and you're my clone, bitch!"

I could get fat while my clone has to stay in shape. I send the clone out to pick up women and bring them back to the bedroom... then the lights go off and I come in..... when she wakes up the next morning, she'll think it must have been beer goggles... and I wont have to hear from her again.

I mean, I just dont see the disadvantages.

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Ricardo Aleman
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Middle School to Offer Contraceptives

By: Ricardo Aleman (C)
Submitted: Oct 19, 2007
Category: News  Staff Pick!
From Hot Topic

School

933 Jokes  35 Videos

Middle School to Offer ContraceptivesVia AP news

PORTLAND, Maine - School officials on Thursday defended a decision to allow children as young as 11 to obtain birth-control pills at a middle-school health center, saying the new policy is aimed at a tiny number of sexually active students.

Many parents are outraged saying that handing out birth control is like saying it's ok to have sex. I think they should just put an impotence drug in their tater tots.

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Ricardo Aleman
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Bush Says 'U.S. Does Not Torture'

By: Ricardo Aleman (C)
Submitted: Oct 5, 2007
Category: Political  Staff Pick!
From Hot Topic

George Bush

653 Jokes  17 Videos

Bush Says 'U.S. Does Not Torture'Really!? What do you call having to wait 4 years to elect a new President?

If I marry the wrong girl I can get divorced the next day.. but if we pick the wrong president... 4 years bad luck...

Dont break a mirror or walk under a ladder.. you'll just make it worse.

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Ricardo Aleman
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Robots to Aid Senior Citizens

By: Ricardo Aleman (C)
Submitted: Oct 4, 2007
Category: Weird  
From Hot Topic

Robot

39 Jokes  5 Videos

Robots to Aid Senior CitizensVia AP News

Tokyo, Japan - If you grow old in Japan, expect to be served food by a robot, ride a voice-recognition wheelchair or even possibly hire a nurse in a robotic suit - all examples of cutting-edge technology to care for the country's rapidly graying population.

Why? Because the last thing your family wants to do is spend the best years of their young lives taking care of your old ass. Here's a Robot and a Teddy Bear... we'll see you at a Christmas.

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Ricardo Aleman
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TerraMax Auto-Driving Combat Vehicles

By: Ricardo Aleman (C)
Submitted: Oct 3, 2007
Category: News  Staff Pick!

TerraMax Auto-Driving Combat VehiclesVia AP news

TerraMax is a self-driving vehicle, a prototype designed to navigate and obey traffic rules - all while the people inside, if there are any, do anything but drive.

During a recent test on property owned by manufacturer Oshkosh Truck Co., TerraMax barreled down a dusty road with its driver seat empty. It stopped at a four-way intersection and waited as staged traffic resolved before obediently lurching on its way.

If the Defense Department gets its way, vehicles like TerraMax could represent the future of transportation for the military's ground forces.

-----------------------------

Great! So how does the enemy stop a super high tech AI driven truck in it's tracks? They put up a red light.

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Ricardo Aleman
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Britney Spears Drug Test - Pass or Fail?

By: Ricardo Aleman (C)
Submitted: Oct 2, 2007
Category: Entertainment  
From Hot Topic

Britney Spears

191 Jokes  8 Videos

Britney Spears Drug Test - Pass or Fail?Via People.com

Britney lost custody of her kids partly because she failed to take a random drug and alcohol test. Her lawyer, Sorrell Trope, points out: "There's no evidence that she actually failed a test."

However, the courts see the failure to take a test as the same thing as not passing the test.

Boy... where was this lawyer when I went to college?

"What do you mean I failed Quantum Physics!? I didnt fail the Midterm or Final!"

"You mean you didnt show up for the Midterm or Final... that counts as failing"

"Well what sort of crazy logic is that?! You'll be hearing from my attorney!"

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Ricardo Aleman
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Student Arrested Over Toy Bomb How-To Video

By: Ricardo Aleman (C)
Submitted: Oct 1, 2007
Category: Weird  Staff Pick!
From Hot Topic

School

933 Jokes  35 Videos

Student Arrested Over Toy Bomb How-To VideoVia AP news

A student was arrested for uploading a video on YouTube about how to make a remote control bomb using a toy remote.

Ironically, my family had to talk me out of making a remote controlled bomb for my 8th grade science fair. I was disgruntled from my 7th grade science fair where I made a “Light Sensory Burglar Alarm System” that wasn’t even considered for a prize. Meanwhile, my friend's “Simpson Quiz Game” (which I had to help him with) got 2nd place. When I asked my science professor what he thought of my project he said, “Very good… did your dad help you with that?” I wanted to punch him in the face.

Admittedly, my bomb wouldn’t have hurt anyone.. you press the button.. a little smoke comes out.. then a sign pops up that says, “No, my dad did not help me with this.”

It was then that I decided to give up on the education system and just tell jokes… true story.

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Which one is Bill Clinton?

By: Ricardo Aleman (C)
Submitted: Sep 27, 2007
Category: Political  Staff Pick!
From Hot Topic

Bill Clinton

265 Jokes  8 Videos

Which one is Bill Clinton?Via AP news

Underneath this photo I read the following caption:

"Former President Bill Clinton, right, answers a reporter's question during a meeting with Colombian President Alvaro Uribe, left, at the Clinton Global Initiative Annual Meeting Wednesday, Sept. 26, 2007 in New York. (AP Photo/Nicholas Roberts, Pool)"

I find it entertaining that they feel they need to be clear on which one is Bill Clinton. I guess they want to play it safe for the Americans who cant identify the United States on a map. And I say why not? Who is printing these maps with unlabeled countries anyway?

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Vincent Van Gogh's Sex Life

By: Ricardo Aleman (C)
Submitted: Sep 26, 2007
Category: Weird  
From Hot Topic

New York

1180 Jokes  34 Videos

Vincent Van Gogh's Sex LifeVia FoxNews.com

NEW YORK — A never-before-exhibited collection of letters from Vincent van Gogh to a colleague reveal the beliefs and mundane challenges of the artistic genius — from his beliefs about sex to keeping his easel steady in the wind.

"Van Gogh adamantly believed that too much sexual activity detracts from your work," the curator said. "He believed sexual activity depletes you."

---------------------------------------------

And this guy killed himself? no kidding... hmm

I used to draw when I was little.. then I went to college and discovered sex.. havent picked up a crayon since... Am I getting a lot of work done? well no... he's got a point there... but I'm happy... and no plans on killing myself.

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Kathy Griffin and Jesus

By: Ricardo Aleman (C)
Submitted: Sep 20, 2007
Category: News  
From Hot Topic

Kathy Griffin

5 Jokes

Kathy Griffin and JesusVia AP News

If you haven't already heard, Kathy Griffin got a lot of criticism from Christian Groups regarding her acceptance speech for her Emmy. She was quoted saying "a lot of people come up here and thank Jesus for this award. I want you to know that no one had less to do with this award than Jesus."

The Miracle Theater in Pigeon Forge spent $90,440 on a full-page advertisement in USA Today that ran nationally Monday, proclaiming "enough is enough."

Boy $90,440! That money could have been spent on a lot better things. The theater is sponsoring a petition on its Web site, http://www.miracletheater.com

So I went to sign this petition just to have my comment posted. I wrote:

"I’m a stand-up comic, and I understand both Kathy and your position. With all the different groups out there, it is exceeding difficult to not offend a few in a comedy career. Can’t we all just get along? It’s the Christian thing to do. I’m not surprised to hear that devout Christians are offended by Kathy’s remarks. I was talking to my Buddhist friend about it and he thought she was hysterical. The reality is that, no mater what your beliefs are, there are no shortage of people who DON’T AGREE WITH YOU. Surround yourself with people who do agree with your beliefs, and don’t fuss too much about the ones who don’t, because you can waste your entire lives arguing and getting nowhere. Making a national to do about all this just puts Kathy in the spotlight. Let’s face it, there are much worse celebrities out there driving drunk and endangering lives. If your beliefs are that Kathy will be going to hell for what she said, then that should be plenty. www.FunnyMexican.com"

Within a few minutes, my comment was pushed down to the next page because of all the offended Christians that signed after me. You’ll also find many other people who signed and like myself thought the Christian groups were overreacting.

Lastly I would like to point out the most entertaining bit of irony. Next to the AP news article is a Google sponsored ad list that says "Kathy Griffin Tickets – on sale now"

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