American Idol runner up Clay Aiken told the world yesterday that he is gay.

Which is ironic, because the world has been telling him he's gay for years.

"My closest friends and I looked at the pictures for hours," the prominent lesbian continued, "we're inviting Miley to join us on our Caribbean cruises."

The proponent of assisted suicide for the termially ill maintained his stance saying he still believes a quick death is better than a long slow painful death for those with no hope.

Dr. Kervorkian has been contacted by the New York Yankees

Hillary now looks ahead to Indiana, where she believes the primary issue will be who likes short haircuts or really short haircuts.

Equally offensive is the company's choice to label four sugars and cream "type II diabetic".

He also announced that he will seek the Democratic nomination for president in 2008.

"Clean air is gooder than dirty air." he agreed, "I'm hoping that the people in charge can get on that."

This Sunday, former football player turned analyst, Phil Simms officially called Detroit a disaster.

He didn't specify whether he meant the Lion's or the city itself. 

Unfortunately, Comedy Central has announced that the Daily Show has been canceled.