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Greg Contreras
Greg Contreras
"Does this profile make me look fat?"

New York, NY

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Biography
Greg Banks is loved by old, white, tea-baggers everywhere.

e-mail him at banks.greg@gmail.com.

Octavia Smith says:

I don't know why bush hates puppies, because hes fucking one every night.His wife or should i say a Chihuahua.
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Greg Contreras
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Judge: Defendant too Fat to Flee

By: Greg Contreras (C)
Submitted: May 2, 2008
Category: Weird  
From Hot Topic

Court Room

517 Jokes  4 Videos

A 500-lb shopkeeper was released without bail after being arraigned in the courthouse parking lot. The 500-lb man is accused of selling knockoff Gibson Les Paul guitars.

The judge said it was the classic case of too fat to walk, too fat to fly.

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Greg Contreras
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NY Times: Nothing Funny About Obama

By: Greg Contreras (C)
Submitted: Jul 15, 2008
Category: Political  Staff Pick!
From Hot Topic

Barack Obama

882 Jokes  28 Videos

NY Times: Nothing Funny About ObamaThe New York Times reported today that comedians are finding it hard to lampoon Obama because there's no real "take" on him, that is something that just jumps out as goofy. http://www.nytimes.com/2008/07/15/us/politics/15humor.html

That is, except for the often photographed halos, appropriated presidential seal, leather-bound videos of his speeches from three weeks ago (hat tip: Terry Ann Rendon), oh and his promise to make the waters recede, but beyond that, there's nothing to make fun of.

Nothing to see here folks, move along.

http://theunfocused.blogspot.com/2008/07/heartache-late-night-comics-are-having.html?disqus_reply=906871#comment-906871

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Greg Contreras
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Rambo at 62

By: Greg Contreras (C)
Submitted: Jan 14, 2008
Category: Entertainment  
From Hot Topic

Florida

330 Jokes  2 Videos

Rambo at 62Being John Rambo at 62 has certain pluses and minuses:

1) The only thing stiff in the morning are your knees.

2) The bad guys can't sneak up on you: you pee 6 times a night.

3) Your camp is littered with Icy Hot patches.

4) You fall asleep while firing your M-60.

5) You haven't had a good crap since the mid-90s.

6) You're easier to track, they follow the scent of menthol (see #3).

7) Your sciatica means the hot Asian chick gives you a back rub instead of a front rub.

8) Medicaid hasn't kicked in yet.

9) Rambo V to be filmed in The Villages, FL.

10) Senior discounts at the Gun Shack.

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Greg Contreras
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Obama: I Will Eliminate Nuclear Weapons

By: Greg Contreras (C)
Submitted: Jul 16, 2008
Category: Political  
From Hot Topic

Barack Obama

882 Jokes  28 Videos

Obama said today he would eliminate nuclear weapons. Right after he eliminated poverty, disease and sadness...

With Obama, we can expect a world safe for puppies.....

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Greg Contreras
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Scientists produce embryo clones of 2 men

By: Greg Contreras (C)
Submitted: Jan 17, 2008
Category: News  Staff Pick!
From Hot Topic

Dating

571 Jokes  38 Videos

Scientists produce embryo clones of 2 menThe clone is groundbreaking because it creates the first same-sex, same-person relationship.

Let's see the Supreme Court work that out.

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Greg Contreras
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Obama to the New Yorker:

By: Greg Contreras (C)
Submitted: Jul 14, 2008
Category: Political  
From Hot Topic

New York

1179 Jokes  34 Videos

Obama to the New Yorker:Stop helping me!

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Greg Contreras
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Obama Explains Hillary Win...

By: Greg Contreras (C)
Submitted: Apr 23, 2008
Category: Political  Staff Pick!
From Hot Topic

Hillary Clinton

252 Jokes  11 Videos

Obama Explains Hillary Win..."You can't kill the undead."

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Greg Contreras
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Afghan Secures Release from Git'mo (He Died)

By: Greg Contreras (C)
Submitted: Dec 30, 2007
Category: News  
From Hot Topic

Guantanamo Bay

51 Jokes

Afghan Secures Release from Git'mo (He Died)MIAMI (Reuters) - An Afghan detainee has died from cancer at the prison camp at the U.S. naval base in Guantanamo Bay, Cuba, authorities said on Sunday.

Abdul Razzak, 68, who was undergoing chemotherapy treatment for colorectal cancer, was pronounced dead by a doctor at the base on Sunday morning, the U.S. military said in a statement.

Which gives real meaning to the term, habeaus corpus

An unidentified colonel was quoted as saying said, "one down, 290 to go."

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Greg Contreras
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Archbishop Dismisses Christmas Story as Legend

By: Greg Contreras (C)
Submitted: Dec 20, 2007
Category: News  Staff Pick!
From Hot Topic

Christmas

198 Jokes  13 Videos

Archbishop Dismisses Christmas Story as LegendThe Archbishop of Canterbury said yesterday that the Christmas story of the Three Wise Men was nothing but a 'legend'.

The Archbishop concluded his remarks by saying: "Merry F***ing Christmas" and "ho-f***ing-ho."

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Greg Contreras
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Governor Sanford Woos Latina.....

By: Greg Contreras (C)
Submitted: Jun 25, 2009
Category: Political  Staff Pick!
From Hot Topic

Mark Sanford

38 Jokes

Governor Sanford Woos Latina.....

Governor Mark Sanford's titillating revelations of an affair with a woman from Buenos Aires, Argentina is another indication of just how far the Republicans will go to win the Latin(a) vote....

 (Somebody had to say it.)


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