Israeli road blocks and check points along Road 60 in the West Bank makes what used to be a 20 minute ride a 2 1/2 hour ordeal. To raise awareness of the issue Palestinians have renamed the road the Long Island Expressway.

A Vermont Police department is distributing beer mugs with police logos on them to local bars to help remind patrons not to drink and drive. They also plan to distribute crack pipes with Whitney Houston's picture to remind people not to smoke crack.

The Kremlin denies any involvement with a Russian spy being poisoned by radiation. "If we wanted him to die a slow painful death we would have taken him to Taco Bell."

A bonobo ape that knows sign language repatedly pulled a fire alarm after promising her trainer she wouldn't. At a press conference the bonobo explained, "Sure I promised not to. But hey, I'm a FREAKING MONKEY! What kind of moron takes the word of a FREAKING MONKEY!"

New studies declare that eating chocolate and drinking red wine prevent heart attacks. It also increases your chances of one night stands with fat chicks.

A new chewable birth control pill debuted today. It will be marketed to girls that don't swallow.